If you find yourself suddenly thrust back into the world of single women, you are not alone. Many women find that in their 30's and 40's, their marriages are ending and they are suddenly back into the world of dating. This article will focus on how single women can break out of their shells and enjoy a healthy and satisfied sex life without worrying about a long-term commitment.
If you are trying to determine which form of birth control to use, it can be difficult narrowing them down to the right one for you. The different types of birth control all have their own pros and cons, including side effects, rate of effectiveness, costs, and convenience.
Some of the more common types of birth control and some pros and cons of each include:
To many, especially young people, the topic of sexual health is uncomfortable, taboo or even sinful. It is difficult then to find someone who you can trust to ask important sexual health questions to. Sexual health is important. It is unwise to ignore possible risks of not knowing what kinds of health problems can result from un-healthy sexual activity. Below are some suggestions of people you can talk to when you have delicate questions to ask.
Mother/Father - For some individuals, parents are the last people in the world that they would go to for sexual information. However, parents know you best and can give you the information that you need with your best interest at heart. No one cares for your well being more than your parents. Hopefully you have developed a relationship of trust with them so that if you have a sexual health question you will know that your parents will try to help you in any way that they can.
"I'm embarrassed to talk about my sexual health - who should I talk to?" »
The answers to sexual questions are just a diverse as the couples who ask them. There is no one right or wrong answer to the question of how much sex is too much sex. There are only helpful guidelines that may help you as you make the best decision you can for your situation. Below are some questions that address common concerns when one is questioning what frequency of sex is right for them. Ask yourself these questions and discuss your answers with your partner.
Many questions regarding the health and frequency of sex are difficult to answer definitively because there are so many different situations and conditions that differentiate one couple from another couple. Sexual health is an incredibly broad topic that can range from physical concerns such as sexually transmitted diseases to emotional concerns of trust and safety.
Below are some common and more specific questions that you may ask in your search for more information about sexual health. As with any health concerns, the most reliable source for obtaining health information is going to be your personal physician. If you truly have a medical concern, please seek professional help.
There are a few things on my "Avoid at all Cost" list. Putting my hand in a fish tank full of piranhas, eating a 3-month old opened package of hot dogs, being blindfolded while crossing a busy intersection, and going underwear shopping.
Many times have I walked past a lingerie shop window, looking dreamily at the underwear on the mannequin. Sometimes when I am brave (because just that morning, I easily slipped into one of my sometimes-they-fit-me pair of pants), I boldly walk into the store and ask the shopkeeper to find my size. Okay, maybe I find my own size because I am too embarrassed to admit to someone else what exactly is my size.
As I walk to the change room, I have high hopes the underwear will make me look sleek, busty and beautiful, just like the super model pictured in the window.
First, while in the change room, I have to scrunch my own underwear to fit under the new underwear. This is especially hard if I am wearing my very ugly but very comfortable cotton-grandma-panties (only worn if my husband will not see me that day).
Second, I ignore the harsh and absolutely non-flattering lights that are located in the change room. I believe these lights were intentionally manufactured to zone in and pick up any microscopic flaw on the body.
Third, I look at myself with the underwear on. This is where things can get messy. Like many women, I have a love/ hate relationship with my body. I have had a pear-shaped body and cellulite on the backs of my legs since I was 13 years old. This means I have had 22 years to get used to the fact that I have a pear-shaped body and cellulite on the back of my legs.
I do not find feet sexy--although I am certain there are millions of foot fetish aficionados, plus certain cultures around the world who would vehemently disagree with me. I, however, believe our toes, ankles and arches are the practical, utilitarian parts of our body.
In fact, during the winter months we neglect and treat our feet as pragmatic tools. We cover them with toasty warm socks, Sorrels, or if working downtown a shapely calf forming boot. The point being because feet are so ugly, we do our best to keep them covered.
Then with the first signs of spring an amazing phenomenon occurs. Alongside the buds on the trees, tulips poking out their happy heads, comes a women's toes peaking out from under her pants or long skirts.
It is almost like a right of passage to summer. Simply because a pair of sexy shoes have been strapped on to a pair of lowly feet, bam, those feet become the main object of sexual attraction. (Okay the low cut tops that show off floating cleavage certainly help the whole sexifying look.)
So I had to ask myself, what is so sexy about a woman who is teetering to stay upright on a shoe that is wrapped with two or three miniscule straps?
For two years my personal coach enthusiastically recommended Dr. David Schnarch's Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships as a staple in my sex library. Finally fed up with my procrastination, he bought me a copy which went promptly to the bottom of my ten foot high cue of on-the-go books.
My coach was right (as usual). I am sorry it took me this long to "discover" this brilliant gem of a book. By no means an easy read, it is in my opinion one of the best books out there on how to keep a deeply committed relationship on track.
One of the many concepts Dr. Schnarch writes about is how we treat sexual drive in the same manner as we do eating, like it is a basic biological drive. In his twenty-some years of marriage counseling, many a couple has come to him with the complaint of their relationship being sexually anorexic. That is their sexual needs were being starved within the couple.
An apparent contrarian, Schnarch turns this concept of sexual anorexia on its head by writing, "Superficially, the common idea that sex is a natural biological drive seems reasonable. After all, isn't sex drive a function of hormones? Isn't sex encoded in all animals? If sex drive weren't 'normal,' wouldn't our species die out?"
Okay, I was intrigued by his statement. Reading further Schnarch enmeshes me in a sexual whodunit, "We don't realize that seeing sex as a 'drive' makes us focus on relieving sexual tensions rather than wanting our partner."
At this point I am a little confused but bravely press on, "...if that's the only reason you think your partner wants to be with you it tends to kill sex and intimacy in marriage. Focusing on desire as motivation for sex overlooks the many couples who struggle to increase desire (passion) during sex."
I had to read that last sentence over a few times to let it sink in. I suggest you do the same.
Now I am really bewildered. Could Schnarch believe that equating sex as a biological drive mean getting your rocks off with any old person will do because it is simply fulfilling an urge? And that sex in this ideal diminishes the ability to find true vulnerability (i.e. passion) because it is about an urge and nothing to do with intimacy. Hmm. Interesting.
When I became engaged, an older fellow shared a "wedding game" he and his wife tried when they tied the knot. The story goes that they had a clear glass jar sitting by their bed. Every time they made love in their first year of marriage, a penny would go into the jar. Following the first year, a penny would be taken out of the jar whenever they made love. With a twinkle in his eye the old guy finished by saying, after ten years of marriage they gave up on the game. The jar was still half full.
Isn't the old joke that as soon as the marriage starts, the sex stops?
More recently I was interviewed for a TV show. The young reporter asked me, "On average, how many times in a week do you have sex?" Average? I travel 15 days out of the month and when I get home my body is exhausted from the wear and tear. Sporadic would describe my average. Does that make me inadequate sexually? Hardly.
There is no average to how many times a couple makes love. Of the billions of people on this planet, you have a unique libido. As well, your life experience and stage of life create the ebb and flow of your sexuality. For example, a typical 18 year-old feels randy and invincible. By the time they reach 40, daily responsibilities replace the energy and zeal sex once occupied. Your sexual uniqueness is like a thumbprint.
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