Consistency:

The biggest key to improving your toddler's behavior is to be consistent with them. Consistency means that you need to react to their poor behavior the same way each time. This means that no matter what else is going on in your day, no matter how happy or how stressed you are, you need to be consistent with discipline, and with addressing behavior problems. So, to do this, you should take the time to determine how you are going to respond when certain behavioral problems arise.

For example, if your two year old is calling people stupid, you can't ignore it one time, spank them another, and put them on time out another. This sends a mixed signal. Your toddler needs to see consistency from you so that they know what to expect when they misbehave. So, as a parent, you can decide that when your child calls names they will be removed from the room, and put on a time out. Then you have to be consistent about following through and actually doing just that.

Consistency does a few things to improve behavior. First, it helps your child feel safe and secure. It also helps them to feel loved. When a child feels secure, they are far more likely to behave appropriately. They are less likely to lash out and do things that come from feeling insecure. Another thing is that it allows them to grow and develop in a safe environment, one where they know the outcome of their actions, and can thus make informed decisions. For example, your toddler will know that when they hit they get a privilege taken away. While they may still choose to hit on occasion, they do so knowing that some privilege will be taken away from them as a result.

Rules:

The next thing you need to do to improve a toddler's behavior is have set rules. The rules need to be clear and simple so that your child can appropriately understand them. These rules should be regularly reviewed, and your child should be reminded of them often. Having rules means having some structure, and behavior is always better when it is guided with structure. So, consider having your toddler help you set the rules. When they help to set the rules for behavior, they are actively participating, and will be more responsive to the rules. It is a good idea to sit down with your toddler and have a short discussion about what appropriate behavior is, and what is not appropriate, and then ask them what kind of behavior rules you should have.

Your toddler may suggest some silly things, but gently get them back on track, and together come up with a list of simple rules. They may be something as follows:

• No hitting.
• If there is a problem, tell mom or dad.
• No biting.
• No snacks unless you eat your meals.

These are just some examples. However, if there is a set rule that is created before or distinctly separate from the behavioral problem, they will be more likely to adhere to it, and understand the consequences when they do not. For example, if you decide that snacks are a privilege you get only if you eat all of your food at meal times, then the next time your child wants a snack, and can't have one because they did not eat their lunch, you can simply remind them of the rule, and that they helped to create it.

Rules allow you to distance yourself some from the behavioral problem, that way your child will not blame you and lash out at you as much. Two, it is beneficial in that it provides a clear understanding for your child of what is expected. They are expected to finish their food. They are expected to interact well with other kids. They are expected to share.

Make rules clear so that it is clear when they are broken.

Consequences:

Along with a set of rules there needs to be a set of consequences, and these too need to be simple and easy for the child to understand. This will guide them in their decision making, and help them in their quest to self-fulfillment and individuality while keeping behavior in check.

Some rules have natural consequences, others require a defined consequence. Go through the rules with your child and tell them what will happen if these rules are broken. Most parents do this in a way as it is, however, often they do not follow through with the proposed consequences, or are not consistent about them, which actually leads to worse behavior. For example, if you tell your child when you are driving that if they do not stop fighting you will pull the car over, then you need to do so when they continue to fight.

Consequences need to be specific. If you hit, you get 5 minutes on time out. If you bite, you get your mouth washed out with soap. If you do not finish your food, you can't have a snack until it is eaten. If you get out of your bed you get a spank.

Consequences need to be enforced. If you want your child to behave appropriately, and you go to the trouble of setting rules, and consequences, it is critical that you also enforce what you say. You are going to teach your children that misbehavior is perfectly acceptable if you ignore it and do not follow through with the consequences promised.

Schedules:

Toddlers need structure, and having it is going to greatly improve behavior because they will know what to expect and when, and they will feel secure. Part of creating a good structure for improved behavior, you should create a schedule of sorts. With toddlers schedules should be less time oriented, and more activity and sequence oriented. This is important because your child is not going to wake at the same time each day, and may not have the same needs day to day. So, rather than having the schedule be like:

• 9:00 wake up, eat breakfast
• 10:00 color
• 12:00 lunch
• 12:30 nap

And on through the day, simply make it more like after breakfast you get a show, after your show you get to do arts, after arts is lunch, after lunch is nap or quiet time, after that you play outside, after that you take a bath and get ready for dinner, etc.

If you child knows that they are expected to take a nap after lunch, and it is part of their regular routine or schedule, they are less likely to fight you about it. Hence, improved behavior. If your child knows that they get to have a treat after they play outside, then they will not hound you for it earlier or at other times, because they will know when to expect it.

Creating a comfortable routine that fits your lifestyle is not difficult, but it does take consistency and patience.

If you can implement the above principles, and now allow your tiredness, laziness, or frustrations effect how you react when your child misbehaves, rather stick to the rules, consequences, and set out ideas, your child will learn what to expect, and will respond by showing you the kind of behavior you want to see in your toddler.

Remember, toddlers are individuals struggling with self expression, and resistance to you, and often other forms of misbehavior are common, and necessary for growth. So, do not try and suppress these incidences, rather work on creating a stable, comfortable, predictable environment so that your toddler knows what to expect, and can feel safe, even when they need to have a melt down or temper tantrum.