As a newborn, your baby has no sense of himself as an individual, the hands and feet they see in front of them do not register as their own. They still seem to think of the two of you as one. However, over time your baby will develop mentally and physically and start to figure out that they are their own person. They will realize soon enough that they have their own body, own thoughts, own feelings, and can do things their own way.

During the stages of recognizing they are their own person, they start to develop in leaps and bounds socially. Suddenly a smile is a gift bestowed on someone else, and a cry garners attention. They figure this out and use it to their advantage. Of course this happens gradually over time, but generally, your baby's sense of individuality first sets in around 6 or 7 months. It is at this time that your baby begins to realize that they are separate from you and that you can leave them alone, or with a stranger. This is when separation anxiety starts to kick in and when strangers become something they understand. Suddenly having Grandma hold them is not as appealing because it may mean that mom is leaving. This is normal social development. Your baby is going to align themselves with a set of people, usually its parents, and may be anxious around others. This can last for a few years.

• However, as your baby continues to develop socially they will be more confident and will realize that when you leave, you also come back. Once they get to this point, and the separation anxiety subsides some, they they can move forward and better forge their own identity.

At about a year and a half old or so you will see your child has start to grow socially enough to understand the concept of possessions. Soon words like "mine" will be frequent in their vocabulary, and you will find that concepts like sharing, and waiting turns are foreign to them and must be learned. This too is part of social development for a child. As they grow, you should give them opportunities to determine what their individual identity is, and learn to interact appropriately in social situations.

The following is a look at the average social development from birth to three years, and what you can do to help your child along:

• 1 to 6 months:Basically from birth until about half a year old your baby will completely identify with the primary care giver, whether that is mom or dad. At this time they are dependent on that person for support physically, emotionally, etc. and so it is no wonder their social extent is to them. However, as they learn some control over basic movements and reflexes, his focus can change from food, love, and attention, to forming his own identity and becoming an individual, a critical part of socialization.??Most parents notice when the first signs of socialization and independence start to bud, it is typically around four months or so that your baby realizes or discovers that when they cry it gets your attention. This is the first seeds of learning that how they act impacts how others act as well. This is a key step toward socialization.

Babies do not know they are their own person. If you were to put your baby in front of a mirror you would see that they try to touch the baby, and interact with the reflection in the mirror as if it were another baby.

• 7 to 12 months: It is usually at around 7 months that your baby will realize that they are independent of you. This is a great milestone cognitively, and is required for social development, but it can also cause anxiety and fear in your child. They suddenly become aware that you can leave them. What they often do not realize that you always come back. This means that when you leave them with a sitter they might be reduced to tears for a while. To help your child in this important step socially and cognitively, try not to sneak away when they are not looking, say goodbye when they are watching, and be sure to let them acknowledge your return. As their memory gets better, and their confidence improves they will be less concerned when you leave.


• 13 to 24 months:During this time period your baby is now making progress in differentiating themselves from you and from the world around them. It is at this point that social development is at its greatest peak, and socializing becomes a bigger part of their life; it is a good time to try and teach appropriate social interaction. Your child is aware that they have thoughts and feelings of their own, but sometimes they are unaware that others do not feel the same way, and that this is okay. As they offer their opinions, and those opinions differ from others, and from you, it is wise to point that out, and teach them that it is alright to have a different opinion, as long as your respect others. They are going to be at the point where they know that they are looking at themselves when they look in the mirror, which means they know who other people are as well. Teaching them that these other people do not have to always agree with them, and that they do not have to agree all of the time either, is wise.

At this point your child is learning to better interact with the world around them. This means that while they may still be upset when you leave them with a sitter, they get over it more quickly and are more excited about playing with others.

It is at this point that friendships can start to form because their cognitive skills and memory are developed enough that they remember faces and people, and past interactions. For example, they may remember that they played with a certain child at the park, and it was fun, thus that child is their friend. They start to develop trust and this gives them more confidence in themselves, which means they become even more independent, and better able to decide who they like, who they don't, and what they want to do. They might start holding grudges, or show favoritism, etc. This is all part of social development, and while it is not fun to see your two year old holding a grudge, it is nice to know that they are developing on track socially.

• 25 to 36 months: Between the ages of 2 and 3, your toddler will be in a struggle for independence, which often makes socialization difficult for you as the parent because they may not be that good at voicing their wants and desires, and thus use hitting, biting, and other sources to let out their emotions. This is a difficult age, but it is also an important time to teach them what is okay, and what is not okay in social bounds.

Your baby is starting to grow up, and they will exhibit more and more of their independence, both at home, and socially. You will hear comments like, "I can do it myself." This also translates over into, "I can make my own friends." They will think they need you less. They may not like the kids you set up for them to play with, or they might ignore you and your requests. All of these interactions are a part of their social development, and are normal and natural. As a parent your job is to take them in stride, and use them as teaching opportunities to demonstrate to your child how to behave.

You should not restrict your child's social development, as the better they are at it, the more confident and secure they will be in themselves later, and the easier life will be for them. It is key that you help them figure out their independence, and encourage their individuality instead of discouraging it. For proper social development your child needs to be aware of their own likes and dislikes, and should not fear voicing their opinions, thoughts, feelings, etc.

Being shy or wanting to stick to oneself is not a sign that your baby is under developed socially, or that they are lagging. It simply means that they are learning their preferences. Social development does not hinge on the need to constantly socialize, rather it hinges on needing to recognize that their opinions or feelings on the matter are real. If they do not like someone, or would prefer to be alone, that is independence, and is a sign of social development because it shows that they know what they want, and are unafraid to express it.

If you are at all concerned about your child's social development, and worry that they are behind, or not where they should be, then talk to your pediatrician. They will tell you what to watch for, and what signs indicated stunted growth, and what is normal.