If you are both committed to making your marriage work again, there is a good change you'll survive the affair and come out stronger on the other side. Here are some steps you both will have to commit to in order to make your marriage work, though they are more geared toward the spouse who has committed the affair:

1. The affair must stop, immediately: Sever all contact with your lover. Stopping an affair doesn't just mean no more dinner dates or sex. It means no more phone calls, in-person conversations, taking breaks together, or anything that would bring you into intimate contact. If you work with the person you had the affair with, keep your contact strictly business. Talk to your spouse about all encounters you have with your ex-lover, before they have the chance to ask about it or hear about it from someone else. This stops the secrecy and creates a sense of safety for your spouse that has been betrayed.
2. Answer questions fully and honestly: You need to reach the point where you both can talk openly about the affair without pain, that's the only way to heal from the damage done. If you never discuss it, you cannot recover from it. You may think that talking about it will only inflame the hurt worse, but that isn't true. Truth and a willingness to talk rebuilds trust between you. The adulterous spouse must supply all the information requested by his or her spouse. You will both feel better if you are open and honest about what happened, why it happened, and how it happened. The key is to be completely honest and open. Don't hold back details. If the details come out later after you've already talked about it, your spouse may feel betrayed all over again.
3. Show empathy to each other: If your betrayed spouse gets emotional about the pain, cry with them. The more you show sincere empathy, the better your chances for rebuilding your relationship together. Infidelity is difficult at best. Show you understand that she or he will more be able to trust you again.
4. Keep talking no matter how long it takes: It can take years to overcome the hurt and loss of trust an affair can create. Keep talking, keep listening. Listen without anger or blame.
5. Take responsibility for your actions: There is no justification for an affair. There are no excuses, especially if you want your marriage to work. You must take responsibility for what you did. Only through showing sincere regret and remorse can you help your partner heal from the pain you have caused.
6. Forgiveness can be a long process: Realize that you have committed to the long hall. You partner may not forgive you all at once and building trust is a long process. Stick in it for the long hall and your marriage may weather the storm.