Know Yourself: Self-Intimacy

Self-intimacy is knowing all of yourself and feeling connected with every part of you. You have to know the parts of you that you naturally like, and the parts you wish didn't exist. You have to know yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Know how you respond, what your weaknesses and strengths are. Knowing yourself doesn't mean you have to like all there is of you. It means knowing what's there and accepting it as a part of you. Knowing yourself helps you feel grounded. It gives you a place to start from when you get to know others.

To gain a better understanding of your self, you need to sit down and interview yourself. How do you feel about your self? What do you like about you? What do you dislike? Is there anything that you hate about your self? The self is as intricate and varied as your friends and takes some time to know. If you can answer your own interview questions, you can really get to know you. Just remember that you change as does everyone else. If you know your self well, you can influence which direction those changes will go, but then you may have to get to know yourself again. An interview with yourself is a great way to fill up your cup as it helps you gain a better understanding of you and helps you figure out where you can rely on yourself.

Don't ignore parts of yourself that you don't like. They will seek expression whether you want them to or not because they are apart of you. If you deny your self, you have left self-intimacy and entered self-estrangement which is a depressing place to be. Insecurities, anger, and vulnerability all have a place in each of us. It is okay to express them with yourself and with those you trust. If you don't express them, they will find a way out and leave you miserable rather than fulfilled.

Fill Your Cup: Self-Fulfillment

Once you know yourself, you can begin to work on your relationship with self. Think of yourself as a cup filled with water. Each time you do something for someone else, you take a little bit of water from the cup. If you fix a meal for your husband/wife, a little water goes to them. If you work, a little of your water is poured into each project. As you continue to do things for other people throughout the day, your water level in your cup slowly sinks. You know you've run out of water when frustration, anger, depression, or insecurities start to take hold of your actions. Only when you do things simply for your self can you fill your cup back up.

You need to set aside time each day for self-fulfillment. What are the things that help you feel whole? It may be reading, playing an instrument, running or other forms of exercise, scrap-booking or special projects, art, or meditation. Whatever it is that helps you feel fulfilled, set aside an hour of your day just for that. This isn't time that needs to be spent alone, unless alone-time fulfills you. Each person fills their needs differently, but each person needs to do it in order to have a fulfilling relationship with their self.