How to see yourself as others do
Most of us see the worst in ourselves, and find it difficult to accept compliments and praise from others. This is because others tend to see the best in what we have to offer. So, the following are some suggestions for how to see yourself as others do:
1. Accept compliments. To start off with, you have to learn to accept and internalize compliments. It is great to hear them, but you have to start believing them. Most people just dismiss a compliment, and say thanks, but think, "Yeah right!" So, from now on, when someone offers you a compliment or praise, it is a chance to help yourself to see yourself as others see you. Whether it is a physical feature they compliment, or an action, or a personality trait, it is important that you recognize the value of a compliment, and be grateful for, believing of, and accepting of such kindness. If someone tells you how beautiful your eyes are, do not just say thanks, but tell yourself that they would not say it if it was not true. Remind yourself that you are beautiful, that you have a lot to offer, and that you are great. This is the first step to seeing yourself the way others see you.
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2. Ask for things in writing. This way you can see things again and again. If you want to work on your self esteem, and you want to be able to see yourself the way others see you, you have to know what other people see, both the good and the bad. So, ask people you trust, people you love, and people whom you have a good relationship with to write down what the see in you. Your strengths, your weaknesses, etc. Ask that they be considerate of your feelings when doing this, as while you want to know your weaknesses, you also do not want to be torn apart. Have them make two lists. This way, you have a list of things you can work on, such as your patience, your temper, etc. but you can also have a list of good qualities about yourself that you can work on believing and seeing in yourself. This can be a sharp mind, a good attitude, caring, etc. It is good to see the good others see in you. If you do not think you can handle the bad, do not ask for it at this time, start with the good, and when your confidence and self image are strong enough to handle some criticism, then go there.
3. Stop negative self talk. If you want to see yourself as others do, you have to put an end to negative self talk. This means stop telling yourself you are ugly, fat, stupid, dumb, inadequate, unhealthy, unreliable, etc. Instead, focus on the good about you, and work on the bad. Often times the only one who sees bad in us is us. So, put an end to this. Look for the good in yourself, and accentuate it.
4. Practice positive self talk each day. If you want to see yourself the way others do you have to start telling yourself that you are worth while, that you matter, that you are great. Spend a few minutes each day on positive self talk. This is not vanity, this is self acceptance. Look in the mirror, tell yourself you are beautiful. You do not have to be a movie star to be beautiful. Look inside yourself. Tell yourself you have a good heart, good intentions, a loving spirit. Look at your life, tell yourself that you have overcome many obstacles, that you are strong, that you are smart, that you are brave. Then believe it.
