Long Distance Done Right
You're dating someone and things have gotten serious, but then real life happens and you find out you (or your significant other) are going to have to move away for a while. Rarely do people go into a relationship planning on being away from each other, yet it happens quite frequently. When the time comes, you have to decide if the relationship would be better ended or if you are going to go the distance.
To break up or not to break up is the question on your mind. Ask yourself instead, "Is this relationship worth the time and effort involved in long-distance dating?" Some indicators that maybe it isn't worth it may include:
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- You've only been dating for a short time. You rarely know someone well enough to determine their worth to you if you've only dated them for a few weeks or even a few months.
- You have trust issues, particularly with the person you are dating. If trust is an issue in your relationship, you'll never make it over long-distance.
- You won't physically be together for several years. People change given several years and those changes are only adjusted to if you actually get to see each other at least off and on.
- If your relationship is not one of your top priorities. It will never last if it isn't on your list when you move away.
- Keeping up regular or even daily contact via phone, email, or messaging is not possible or feasible. If you can't even talk, you may as well be alone.
- You aren't going to be away from each other forever. This is a temporary situation, even if it lasts a couple of years. At some point you will be together again. Keep that at the forefront of your thoughts, especially if things get tough.
- Keep in touch frequently, every day if possible. The more you are able to talk, the closer you'll be. It is important to share your every day details with your significant other. It helps you build trust and friendship.
- You can still be affectionate. Just because you can't show your affection in the usual way (hugs and kisses) you can still send notes, pictures, and love. Use the mail, email and phone often to show your partner that you love them, or at least that you haven't forgotten them.
- Make your relationship a priority. If you plan to talk at a certain time of day, don't let anything get in the way of being on the phone at the appointed hour. Don't put them off. Answer your calls, emails, and messages promptly. Treat them as if you still lived nearby.
- Keep the communication lines open. If you are feeling lonely or depressed, express it. Allow your significant other the opportunity to comfort you and visa versa. Don't allow your feelings to snowball into bigger issues, get them off your chest and into your lover's ear.
- Make a plan before you leave. Express expectations and make sure your plans mesh. Talk about your plans. Try to see each other as often as distance and budget allow.
However, even if a few of the above exist, you still may decide between the two of you that the relationship is worth trying to make things work over a distance. Your move may be temporary, or your significant other has plans to follow you to your new local. If you think your relationship is worth it, here are some helpful tips that may make it work:
