Mother-in-law Management
The woman in the relationship not getting along with her mother-in-law may sound cliché, but while it's not true in all cases, 60% of women in a case study conducted by a British psychologist felt tension with their mother-in-law. In the study which was conducted over twenty years, it was found that women believed their mother-in-law to be irrationally jealous. The mothers, on the other hand, felt that their son's wives didn't understand where they were coming from or their point of view. Moms worried that they would lose their sons to their new wives and that their ideas and traditions wouldn't be valued and therefore they wouldn't be valued. For the most part, this is an uncontrollable fear for the mothers. Some mothers-in-law will be able to work through their feelings and treat you with respect; others will be stuck, especially if you follow through on their fears. There are some simple things you can do to ease the tension in your relationship with your mother-in-law. Here are some tips:
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Reach Out
If you feel tension with your mother-in-law, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to reach out to her. She feels like you don't value her and will take her son away. Make sure she knows that you value her. Ask her opinion on things you are willing to be flexible in. Give her a chance to express herself openly. You may not share the same opinion, but that doesn't mean you can't respect her. When you are in her home, respect her traditions and praise her. Treat her as you would your own mother. You may not always get along and share opinions, but you can respect each other as women.
Ask Her Advice
Most women will give advice whether it is solicited or not. Your mother-in-law is no different, so don't feel like she is attacking you, she's just doing what she would naturally do. You can help her feel valued by asking her advice before she offers it. She has a lot of experience where you are just beginning, so some of her advice may really be useful. She raised your husband, so she probably knows the best way to handle him. Ask her advice on things that really matter. Whether you follow her advice or not is your own affair, but she will feel more valued from the asking.
Thank Her
If your mother-in-law still gives you unsolicited advice, thank her. You may not agree with her, but she's a person and deserves to be treated as one. She raised your husband and prepared him for you, so she really does deserve your thanks to some degree. Giving gratitude a try can really turn the tables in your favor. You can disagree with your mother-in-law and still have a great relationship.
The Hubby Factor
If things are really bad between you and your mother-in-law, ask your husband to step in. He can tell her in a private setting that his choice of you was his choice, not hers and she should respect that and you. He loves you and can help her love you too if he is willing to step up to the plate. He can act as the mediator if you and your mother-in-law are willing to sit down and work out your feelings. He needs to express his love of his mother often. This will help her feel like she is still valued by him and that you haven't taken her place in his heart. Your husband can do a lot to assuage the situation if you ask him.
