Open Communication

Kids need to feel protected and loved. Express your love for them openly. Reassure them every step of the way that even though things will be different, they are still loved. The will be able to heal if you give them the right support. Not only tell them you love them and that you are aware of their concerns, but show them by giving hugs, taking walks together, and by continuing familiar family activities like dinner, games, or traditions.

A child's sense of stability is shaken when divorce happens. Although they may be able to see both parents still, they know that things will never be the same. Help them express their feelings so they are able to come to terms with them. A few things you can do are:

• Listen - Really listen to your children. Encourage them to express their feelings.
• Help them find words to express their feelings - Sometimes children don't know how to tell you what is wrong. If you see that they are upset, encourage them to talk by asking questions like, "I can see that you are upset, what is making you sad?"
• Create a protected environment where they can share honestly - If you react hurt or angrily to a child, they will not share honestly with you. Keep your own feelings in check and let them know that whatever they say is okay.
• Acknowledgment - It is your job to comfort your child, not fix their problems. Acknowledge how they feel and inspire trust by showing them that you understand.

Always use order, stability, and support as you communicate with your kids. Avoid laying blame or criticism on your ex-spouse. Reassure your children that they are not at fault for their circumstances or for the divorce.

Taking Care of Yourself

Providing care for your children in the amount they need as they sort out their feelings about divorce means taking care of yourself first so you can meet their needs. Your emotional and physical states can either be reassuring or distressing to a child. Here are a few suggestions to help yourself so you can help your kids:

• Don't isolate yourself
• Stay close to support - family, friends, and associations.
• Take care of yourself physically and your children's physical needs.
• Eat healthy
• Find a way to express your frustration that won't have repercussions on your kids, like keeping a journal.
• Laugh as much as you can

Civil Relationship with your Ex

Here are some simple suggestions to keep your relationship with your ex-spouse civil:

• Don't argue in front of your kids either in person or on the phone.
• Don't give your kids details of your spouse's behavior.
• Be polite to each other.
• Even if you don't feel like it, never criticize your ex-spouse, but focus on his/her strengths.

If you are having a really difficult time being civil to your spouse, get help. The sooner you work through your feelings, the sooner your children will be able to cope with theirs'.