Teen Freedom
Your children will grow up and move away someday. You want them to be independent individuals that call you because they want to, not because they need you every step of the way in their new lives. Believe it or not, not every parent knows how to help their children be independent individuals. They don't know how to let them cut the apron strings. Cutting the apron strings doesn't mean that you never get to see their kids again; it simply means you are allowing your children to be their own person, learn from their own mistakes, and make their own choices without your influence unless they ask for it. It is important step in your kids' lives. It is the entry from childhood to adulthood and you can help them prepare for it from an early age. In each stage of your child's life, there are ways you can help them be a little more independent, to think for themselves, but still respect your opinion.
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Early Years
During your child's early years is a great time to start helping them develop independence. Most toddlers will want to be independent anyway, so don't discourage their independent behavior. Allow them time to figure out their problems before you step in unless they become a danger to themselves. Rather than tell a child what to do, give them a choice of behaviors, activities, or ideas. Telling a child what to do enflames rebellious behavior whereas giving them a choice encourages independence while still doing what you want them to. Encourage independent behavior in positive ways and you'll have an improved relationship with your child. Make sure your child also has home responsibilities. This teaches them to take care of things and themselves so they can do it without you later on.
Early Teens
The teenage years can often drive a parent to the brink because rebellion is the common attitude. Exercise restraint as you deal with your child and allow them to continue their independent behavior. Don't allow them to walk over you, but like when they were a toddler, give them choices. You should attach consequences to their choices. This encourages independence in that your children start to think for themselves what the consequences of their actions will be. Encourage them to join youth activities such as sports teams or clubs. This gives them the opportunity to develop social skills needed for independent living. It also gives them opportunities to be a leader among their peers which can be an essential role to developing independence. If your child is of an age where they can work outside the home, encourage them to get a job, even if it's just babysitting once a week. Working outside the home fosters an independent attitude. Allow him the opportunity to pay for things he wants on his own, like club membership fees, car insurance, etc. Don't force them out of the home, but if they don't want to work, this will give them a prime opportunity to learn problem solving skills. There are other ways to get what they want if you don't give it to them.
Late Teens
By the time your child has hit his late teen years, he should be living his life somewhat independently, but there are things you can do that will help him continue. Involve him in family budgeting and teach him about finances. Help him set up a bank account, if you haven't already, and give him the opportunity to manage his own finances. When he hits eighteen or decides to go to college, either make him move out or charge rent to stay at your home. This encourages responsibility and learning life lessons that will help him form healthy habits and relationships throughout his life.
