• Unilateral Approach - You can decide how the conflict will be resolved. Have you ever heard mom say, "Do this because I say so,"? This is a one-sided conflict resolution and not really the best approach to peacemaking in you family.
• Giving In - You can let somebody else run you over with their decisions. Hey, you've kept the peace for someone else, but not for yourself.
• Compromise - You both sacrifice a little and come to an agreement, but compromise usually doesn't necessarily leave either party happy. You have to give up too much for too little.
• Problem-Solving - You can collaborate for a win-win resolution. It takes a little time and patience to get there, but in the end it's totally worth it. Both parties come away feeling like their needs were addressed and met.

So how do you really go about problem-solving or peacemaking so everyone is happy? There are several steps involved and each one requires listening to what is said and how it's said. If you don't truly listen, you can never find a win-win resolution. Once you've been through the problem-solving process a few times with your family, resolutions will come more quickly and easily because everyone knows that the family is working for everyone's benefit, not just for the individual. So what are the steps to go through the problem-solving process?

Step 1: Take a walk in someone else's shoes.

Define the problem as your opposition sees it. Conflict has arisen for a reason. Try repeating what the other person is telling you in your own words but without inserting judgment or criticism. Don't analyze their words. Allow them to correct you if you don't have it right. This is especially important when resolving conflict with children as sometimes they don't have a lot of experience getting to the root of the issue. Seeing it from someone else's perspective helps you to see the problem clearly.

Step 2: Empathy.

Let your opposition know you understand their point of view. This isn't about you, so no need to go into an oral report of your life history, but a small example of a similar conflict can help them see that you get it. If someone knows how you feel, you are more likely to listen to them and more willing to work with them on a resolution.

Step 3: Express yourself honestly.

It's time to tell the opposition how you feel. Keep your statements in forms of "I." This levels responsibility for your concerns on your own shoulders, rather than placing the blame for how you feel on them. This shows them that you respect them as a person. Rather than telling them what to do, you are telling them why you want them to do it.

Step 4: Brainstorm.

To find potential solutions, hold a brainstorming session. At this point, don't throw out any ideas that you or your opposition comes up with. The import thing is to get the ideas out where they can be considered.

Step 5: Trial Solution

Evaluate the solutions you have come up with and decide together on a trial solution that both of you can be satisfied with. Don't let yourself be run over, but don't try to boss the other person around. You can only have a good solution if you are both happy with it.

Step 6: Action

Put the solution into action and see if it works to the satisfaction of both parties. If you have to go back to the drawing board, that's okay. Your first solution isn't always the best answer.