Self-esteem, then, like a castle, is useless (and dangerous) if built in the air. Self-esteem has to be built on something. A person shouldn't wait for self-esteem to arrive before proceeding toward a goal, because the attainment of the goal itself is the key to self-esteem; when we do good things, we feel good about ourselves (even if, as was the case with Lincoln, we never quite escape depression or nervousness etc. entirely). The cliché is true: suffering is basic to life: no one escapes it. Self-esteem comes when suffering is confronted bravely and calmly, and when steps are taken (goals) to ease personal suffering as well as the suffering of others.

Let's say, for example, that low income is causing you (and your family) to suffer for myriad reasons: not enough food, not enough fun, not enough free time, etc. Now, how would you go about building self-esteem in this instance? The motivation's already there-you're unhappy and your family's unhappy, and you all know from personal experience that happy is better. You've got your motivation: you're going to be a hero to yourself and to the ones you love by eradicating as much as possible the cause of your suffering, your low income. Even thinking in such terms will nudge one's self-esteem up an inch or two. But it'll stay an inch high or disappear altogether if thinking isn't followed by acting. Achieving goals is a combination of both.

Remember, though, that you don't have to climb the mountain in one go. Climbing a mountain means taking lots and lots of measured steps, eating and drinking to maintain energy, resting to restore vitality, etc. To build self-esteem, then, start small-set a goal for yourself that you know is achievable, such as, "I'm going to work for an extra twenty minutes every day this week. I'm not going to leave at 5 p.m.; I'm leaving at 5:20 p.m." Now, as paltry as this goal seems, the man or woman who achieves it actually achieves something impressive. If twenty pushups is your max, twenty-one pushups is not a pleasurable experience. It takes real willpower to do that extra single pushup. The feeling afterward, though, is incredible. You're flooded with endorphins and the knowledge that you did the impossible-one more pushup. Likewise, an extra twenty minutes at work when you've already put in eight taxing hours is harder than it sounds. But if you can do it; if you can achieve the goal you've set; your self-esteem will increase as a result.

In the beginning, it's often a matter of sheer will: you sit at your desk for twenty minutes and watch the clock. Once you're accustomed to that extra twenty minutes, that extra pushup, however, you're ready to do more. You're ready to fill that extra twenty minutes with work that stands a good chance of impressing your boss, if not now then later. You're ready for that twenty-second pushup, and after that the twenty-third, and so on. Your self-esteem, so to speak, will push up with each new pushup. The secret to healthy self-esteem isn't in feeling the right things about yourself, it's in doing the right things, knowing that the feeling will follow. It has to follow! The feeling has no choice but to follow, just as feeling healthy is a result of eating healthily whether you like it or not. So, set small goals for yourself, follow through with them, use the space they clear to set larger goals, follow through with those, etc.-and a healthy amount of self-esteem will be only one of numerous rewards.