A Strong Foundation
A strong sibling relationship is what every parent hopes and prays for when their second child is born. It doesn't always happen. Sibling rivalry is one of the most common issue affecting children and adults, so how do you keep your children from bickering? The answer isn't easy, nor is it clear-cut. Every family's dynamics are different and each child has the strong points and weaknesses of their personality which affect the development of their relationship with their siblings. There are some things you can do to encourage strong sibling relationships of love and respect, but realize that not everything may work with your children.
Tip #1: Make a date.
One of the biggest reasons sibling rivalry occurs is when children feel that they are not getting the attention they want and someone else is. While it would be impossible to completely settle the desire for attention even of one child, you have to be sure to meet out your attention equally to all. Hopefully, you love all of your children equally, but a good majority of the time, children do not see it that way. When jealousy rears its ugly head you know it is time to make a date. Your children don't just want to spend time with you; they want to spend time alone with you. They want to be the absolute center of your attention for a little while. Let it happen. Make a date with each of your children where you or your spouse spends one on one time with them every week. Make a date and spend quality time with each of them.
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Tip #2: Know them well.
A child's personality is often established before we really have time to influence it. Your toddler may get the stubborn streak from you while your young teen may get their shy side from your spouse. Or they may have personality quirks that are all their own. Whatever personality your children have, remember that none of them are the same. As such, they cannot be dealt with the same. When you know your children and know their personality, you can find the best way to deal with behavior that causes conflict in their sibling relationships. You may view some of your children's personality traits as objectionable, but accept them anyway. They are apart of your child and you have to learn the best means to deal with it so you can help your children build strong bonds despite their weaknesses.
Tip #3: Play together and apart.
It is important for your children to spend time together and apart. Spending time together builds stronger relationships for the most part, but it also can lead to conflict. The more time together, the more time they have to fight. However, to much time apart or being heavily involved with friends can have a debilitating effect on their sibling relationships as well. They won't know each other and therefore won't build strong bonds together. Allow your children time to play together both supervised and unsupervised. As they get older, encourage them in activities that both siblings enjoy. Help them find things they like to do together. Help them get involved with things that will bring them both achievement and satisfaction. Praise them when they are kind to each other. Praise them when they accomplish something together. Take time to acknowledge what they are doing well at in their relationship.
