Absentee fathers
There are many instances of kids growing up without a father. Sometimes it is due to divorce. Sometimes it is a result of death. Sometimes it is a result of neither, the father is just gone all of the time, or does not act like a father. Having an absentee father can be extremely difficult on a child. They may blame themselves for their father being gone, or worry that they have some share in the responsibility of it. The following is a look at how to handle having an absentee father:
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1. Where to place the blame. An absentee father will typically place the blame on anyone but themselves. "You are not affectionate enough." "The children are too loud." "I can't live like this, the house is too messy." Or any number of other excuses. However, the blame should be placed directly on his own shoulders. As the victim of an absentee father, you can't blame yourself or the actions of others, only your father can control your father. It may be true that your house was a mess and he had a hard time handling it, but there are other options for dealing with it. For example, he could hire a maid service, rather than leave. It is easy to feel guilt about your father leaving, and it is common, but it is also unhealthy.
2. How to get along with out a father. While having a positive male role model in your life is healthy, and can help you develop the proper ideas about male-male, male-female, and other relationships, it is not critical. You can "turn out" just fine, even if your father is gone. That is your responsibility. So, do not allow bitterness or resentment to your father influence your life. Do not let it cripple your abilities to become who you want. Sure, it might be harder to go to college because you have a single mother, or you are not receiving any support from the man who sired you, but plenty of people do it without help. Plenty of people go on to be extremely successful, even thought they did not have a dad in the picture, or any parents for that matter. You have to empower yourself, and just like your father can't blame you for leaving, you can't blame him for your failures.
3. Do not let history repeat itself. One of the worst parts of having someone be an absentee father is the way it later affects the family of their children. Women who grow up with abusive fathers, tend to marry abusive husbands. Men who grow up watching abuse or being abused, tend to become abusers themselves. So it is true of absenteeism. So, do not allow your father to influence your life this way. When you marry, be committed, and choose your spouse carefully.
If you have an absentee father, you can let it ruin your life, or you can accept the fact that your mom will have to work more, you will be left to your own devices more, and you will be responsible for your own fate.
