The shift in communicating with your ever-independent youth is to trust your child with the knowledge you have given, but become slightly more passive in the decision making side of the relationship Here are a few tips to help maintain open communication and a healthy relationship with your adolescent:

• Consult, don't manage: You can still be involved by making yourself available and continue to encourage special time together, alone with your child and as a family unit. Let your child come to you for help.


• Encourage them: Be a cheerleader and tell them when you are proud, when they have made a good choice and let them know every day that they are still a priority in your life, even if their priorities have changed.


• Structure: Even though they want independence, structure, limits and consequences are important to keep intact. You are still the parent and teenagers still appreciate some regularity in their family rules.

Communication, effective and open, is an important part of strong, healthy families. Family communication differs from other forms merely because it is attached to the growth of a family unit as a whole. The family unit has the power to create an atmosphere of love and openness where each member can openly express their differences as well as their love and appreciation for each other. These tools can come in handy when dealing with an adolescent:

• Focus on who you are communicating with: Not everyone communicates in the same manner or at the same level. Children and parents have different skills and it's important to remember this as you listen to what your children are saying. Take into consideration ages and maturity when discussing negative issues. One tool may work well with your older child whereas your 13-year-old doesn't respond to them at all. This is when you really need to work hard at finding the right way to reach your child.


• Stay positive: While it may be difficult, end emotions run high during family conflicts, it is important to stay solution oriented when dealing with negative situations. Unhappy family relationships are often the result of negative and inefficient communication patterns. Stay open to the conversation and encourage each other to finish their statements without fear of being interrupted or criticized.


• Focus on strengths: Direct, open and frequent communication is the basis for a strong, healthy family unit. Families that use their communication skills are more capable of problem solving and tend to bond more effectively with each other.


• Frequent communication: Families who spend time together are more likely to engage in meaningful conversation with each other. In our busy lifestyles, we sometimes forget that lack of time together can create an additional set of family conflicts. Talk in the car, eat dinner together or schedule family meeting times so you can spend the time needed to practice your communication skills.