Apologies, how to do them right
There are lots of things that come to mind when you think about apologies. We are taught to "really mean it" when we apologize and to "be sincere." Many times it is hard to know exactly what to say. Apologies are also difficult because they force you to put yourself in a very vulnerable position and sometimes the individual that you are apologizing too can take advantage of that vulnerability. The process of correcting wrong and apologizing consists of about 5 different steps. Although this is not to say that there is only one easy to apologize, these steps provide a helpful guide if you are the type of person who has a difficult time saying, "I'm sorry."
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- Recognize that you have done something wrong. The first step to an apology is to recognize that you have done something or done someone wrong. If you do not see that you hold any fault in a situation it is unlikely that you will humble yourself to make an apology. Many times it is the hurt that is caused by a misunderstanding and we apologize that information was misconstrued. Aside form this exception, most of the time we are very aware of our wrong doings and need to realize that something must be done to correct the situation.
- Feel remorse for your actions. After recognizing that we have done something that we should not have, it is important to consider the affect that our actions have had on others. Think of how unkind words hurt the feelings of another or how stealing the candy bar from the convenience store is morally wrong. Whatever the case, your conscience should let you know that what you did was not right and you should feel remorse for the pain that you have caused others because of your selfishness.
- Right the wrong. Now it is time to take action. It is not enough to fell bad about what we have done; we need to do all that we can to erase the effects of the thing that we are apologizing for. We need to plan the best way to approach the person that we offended and or you need to earn the money to cover the cost of the candy bar that was stolen. Come up with the best plan that you can to make the situation right again.
- Apologize to those you have offended. In conjunction with righting the wrong, you must give a sincere apology. Apologizing can be very difficult, especially if you let your pride get in the way. However, a verbal apology is an essential part of feeling remorse. For the one that you have offended, an apology lets them know that you truly mean what you say and that you have the courage to recognize your shortcomings. Some people see the vulnerable state of one who is apologizing and use it to their advantage to try to transfer hurt back to you. Realize ahead of time that your apology may not always be received as gracefully as you would like.
- Promise to never do it again. Sometimes we fall victim to making the same mistake again. So long as we make a commitment each time that we stumble to try harder to not make the same mistake again we are making progress. People are not perfect, however we can strive to be perfect at apologizing when we are unkind or we can be perfect at being a little nicer to those around us every day. People make mistakes, but very few people are mature enough to recognize, apologize, learn, and become a better person because of those mistakes.
