Relationships

Working with someone you hate

Work is usually not people's favorite place to be. However, it can be a lot worse if there is someone at work that you hate, or dislike strongly. No one wants to work in a hostile work environment. However, having a job is important, and sometimes you are forced to work with someone you hate, or quit. So, how can you work with someone you hate without hating your job as well? Consider the following:

]]> Determine the root cause of the negative feelings.
Sometimes the negative feelings come from resentment of the person having a position you want. Sometimes they come from past treatment of you. Sometimes they come from a personal problem you have with the person. You can't address and solve the problem if you don't determine the root cause of the feelings you have for the person.

Can those feelings be changed?
Now ask yourself if the negative feelings you have for the person can be altered in any way. If in the past they were rude to you, or treated you poorly, can you make up with them, or try to get on friendlier terms with them? If you feel resentment, can you get over it? If you have a personal problem, is it something that can be worked out? If not, then it is imperative that you recognize that fact, if it is something you can work out, then take the steps to do so.

Determine if you have to work with them.
Sometimes there is someone in your office you dislike, but that does not mean you have to work one on one with them, or even spend any kind of significant time together. Try to see if there is any way around working with the person you dislike. Maybe your desk can be moved. Maybe you can be switched to a different team or department.

Is your job safe?
Sometimes it is really difficult when you hate someone at work because the person you hate is over you, and thus your job is in jeopardy if you discuss your feelings. In these cases, it is best to try and make nice, and if that doesn't work, it might be good to seek alternative employment, but do so discreetly so you can continue to earn a wage while you find something else.

Are the bad feelings negatively impacting your work?
If the problem with coworkers is truly affecting your work in a negative way, then it is important to address it so that you do not lose your job due to poor performance. If it comes down to it, discuss the problem with a higher up, and seek solutions, possibly through some sort of mediation or counseling service so that you can attend work each day happily. After all, most people spend a great deal of their time at their job.

When your boss doesn't respect you

If you work somewhere that your boss doesn't respect you, it can be very uncomfortable. The majority of people spend over half of their life at work, so it is a good idea to find a job you love, with a boss that treats you right. Having a boss that does not respect you is a bigger deal than you may realize, here is why:

]]> When your boss doesn't respect you it makes for an uncomfortable or unhappy work environment. You may feel yourself walking on eggshells, wondering when they are going to get mad at you, or thinking that they are just waiting for you to screw up. This can often lead to poor work performance, as it creates stress and leads to discord in the work environment.

When your boss does not respect you, you often don't respect yourself, and start to think that you are not qualified, or are lacking in some way. Lack of self-confidence in your work, often leads to poor work performance. Suddenly, they are not only right, but justified in their lack of respect for you, despite your abilities of qualifications.

When your boss does not respect you, this means dealing with higher stress levels. This never translates well. Stress can be a motivating factor to get things done, and get things done well, but prolonged or continuous stress leads to decreased performance, and eventually a break down of some kind.

So what can you do? The fact is, what you should do is going to change with every circumstance, but you need to do something, as working with a boss that does not respect you can not end well.

Is there anyone above them you could speak to? If you feel like their lack of respect is unjustified and is causing any kind of unfair or unrealistic treatment, it might be wise to go above their head. Often when someone does not respect another individual they will belittle them, and this makes it rather uncomfortable to face them directly. So, talk to them first, and if the situation does not improve, go above their head.

Why don't they respect you? If you can figure out the reason they don't respect you or take you seriously, you can try to address it specifically. This can be a real aid to working through the problem.
Is there anything you can do to change their opinion of you? If their opinion is set, then often it won't matter how well you perform, etc. it is not going to make a difference, but sometimes they just need to see some display of strength or self-confidence from you can really help. Stand up to them, voice your opinion, and don't be afraid to stick to your guns.

Can you get on a different project or department? If all else fails, look for a way to retain your job, but work with someone else.

Things to think about before you contemplate marriage

Love is a wonderful thing, but it can also make you ignore or blind to potential problems. When you love someone enough to contemplate marrying them, it is important that you consider the following questions:

]]> Are you expecting any changes to occur with the person? Many people go into marriage with an idea in their head of who the person is based on the potential they show, rather than what they actually are. This can be a real challenge to overcome once you are married, because often people do not try as hard once they are officially married, and thus, all those things you thought would change, don't, and other things get worse. So, if you hate how obsessed they are with sports, consider that, as chances are it won't change, and may get worse.

What do you both want for your future? Is it compatible? If she has the idea of being a high-powered career woman, and he is picturing stay at home mom with a brood of children, there could be some real problems. When you are in love, it is easy to think that things will work themselves out eventually, but the truth is, these are the kinds of things you need to talk about before you are legally and lawfully married. If you don't want kids and she does, if you want to live in the city and he pictures the country, if you want new and he wants old, etc. there could be some real challenges. So, make sure you both have similar, compatible goals for the future.

How do you get along with their family? Even though the most important thing is the person you are marrying, you are also going to be part of their family. If you can't stand them, that is something you need to think about, this is especially true because holidays happen, big events occur, and even if you do not live nearby you will always have at least some contact with their family and yours, which means if you can't handle them, it will make things rough. It is always easier if you get along well, enjoy spending time with, and like the in-laws.

How will you divide the responsibilities? These are things that are often overlooked before marriage that can lead to a lot of discord and resentment after. Who will do laundry? Who will do dishes? Who will change the baby's diapers? Who will grocery shop? Who will earn the money that pays the rent or mortgage? If he is going to be working outside the home, does he expect her to be taking care of the household responsibilities? All of them? Discussing how you expect responsibilities to be split before you are emotionally involved in that division is wise.

Money is another issue to consider. Who will earn it? Who will spend it? How will you split it? Joint or separate? These are all very big questions to ask, and it is important to know the answers, as money problems are one of the leading causes of divorce.

Spouses yet strangers

It is possible to live in the same house with someone, be married to them, for years even, and barely know them. Often in marriages, too often by all accounts, people grow apart as they have children, take on new responsibilities, etc. It is easy to fall in to routines that involve perfunctory conversations, and occasional checking in sex, but that lack the real bonding and close knit feelings of not being able to live without the person. If you are spouses, but in many way strangers, you are not alone, but there are things you can do to change things, and improve your relationship. First you have to accept and acknowledge the problem exists, then work to fix it.

]]> Accepting and Acknowledging-

Do you fantasize about other people/lovers? When you find yourself fantasizing about other people, it is not infidelity, but it is a slippery slope that often leads to it and other problems. When you replace your husband or wife with mental images of another person, you are effectively adding to the fuel of the fire of them being a stranger. It is time to put a stop to that. Mentally evaluate your thoughts, and make prompt adjustments.

Do you get excited to see them? Would you rather be with them than anyone else? Do you want to be alone, together? Or do you need a crowd? If you are finding yourself feeling ambiguous, or find that there are people other than your spouse you would rather spend time with, then acknowledging is key to change.

How to fix it-

Give yourself a reality check. Sure it is fun to fantasize about being desired, and burning passions, and sparks, but the fact is, life is not like a romance novel, and you probably felt that for your spouse at one point or another, so you do not have it not because it isn't there, but because you let it go. It may sound great to be single again, or to face freedoms you lost, but truth be told, when the end of the day rolls around, most people find that they miss the comfort, security, and truth that is found in a strong, committed marriage, and prefer that far more than financial freedom, lack of stress, and adventure.

If you are thinking about what you gave up to be married, it is time to switch tracks in your head. If your spouse has become a stranger, it is only because you let it happen, so instead of jumping ship, do the work it takes to remind yourself of what you had, and be willing to accept that as relationships mature and grow, you may lose the excitement of making out in the back seat of the car, but the things you gain far supersede that thrill. The glory days are always better in our heads than in reality, so instead, find ways to feel desirable to your spouse, instead of seeking that elsewhere.

Simple things matter in love and marriage

The idea that the simple things matter in love and marriage is in no way new, novel, or unheard of. However, it is too often unpracticed. As people settle into marriages, and grow more comfortable with their spouse, the little things are often some of the first things to go. Happy love lives, and happy marriages take a lot of things, but one such thing is that the small gestures are not forgotten.

]]> Does love change the longer you are married? Love tends to change the longer you are married. It may shift in degrees. When a young couple first meets and feel the first sparks of love, it is often associated with, or a result of physical attraction, hormones, sex drive, etc. As a couple ages, and are married longer, the love they feel may change to a more intellectual love, or a companionship. This is not to say that passion dies, or sexual attraction lessens, it simply means that love matures and grows with time.

Of course, sometimes, the longer you are married the worse a relationship gets. This is usually because of the simple things being neglected. The day in and day out parts of your relationship are so important to keeping it healthy. If you truly want to feel love, and have a healthy relationship, feeling appreciated, having kindness and little gestures are critical. Just because you have been together for a long time doesn't mean she doesn't want to hear that you find her pretty, or that he doesn't want to know how much you appreciate his hard work. Opening car doors, giving each other a kiss goodbye, and taking time to catch up each day, calling at lunch time, or surprising one another with little trinkets from time to time will go a long way.

Staying "In love" takes work, the simple things are part of that. You need to have positive physical reactions to the person. This means take time to get yourself ready each day. Try to stay fit, and eat right, etc. Emotional reactions to the person are also important, so make sure you are there emotionally for them, take time to talk to them about their dreams, hopes, feelings, etc. Missing them when they are not in the room is a good sign that your relationship is going to work out. Worrying about them when they are not around is another good sign. Sometimes we love someone so much we can't help but be irrational when we think of them. If they are the tiniest bit late we may jump to the worst possible scenarios for why, etc.

If you can't picture your life without someone, and enjoy being alone together, and find that your thoughts often center on them, in other words, you have a preoccupation with the person, then don't forget the little things, as they will vastly improve your relationship.

Parent child relationships

Name calling-

It is easy as a parent to get in the habit of calling your children names. Often, these names are used as terms of endearment, but can still be damaging. Calling a child a little brat, or a booger, or a stink can subconsciously convince them that they are those things. This can hurt their overall self-image and self-esteem. As a parent it is important to only use terms of endearment that can't be misconstrued by the child, such as sweetheart, darling, love, etc. Or, simply use their name.

]]> Criticism-
It is important for children to improve and to know when they have done something wrong. If they are not corrected, they will continue to do things improperly. However, when a child faces criticism regularly, it becomes extremely natural for them to start criticizing themselves, and we are our harshest critic. As a parent, you should correct, not criticize your child. When pointing out things they have done wrong, or that need improvement, also point out good things. You should try to have _ of your comments be positive and praising, and ¼ correcting. A child who never hears anything good about themselves or their actions will eventually start to believe that there is nothing good about them.

Time-
Making food for your child, washing their clothes, or driving them to school does not count as quality time spent together unless you make it quality time. Children need to have their parents giving them attention every day. It is so easy to just let your child entertain themselves with books, television, video games, the computer, etc. and it is possible to go a whole day without any kind of meaningful conversation between child and parent. Children who are not getting the attention they require from a parent will often act out, stop doing school work, get in trouble, find less than positive friends, etc. It is important to remember to make real efforts to have conversations about likes, dislikes, dreams, fears, friendships, morals, etc. daily, so that a child knows they can talk to you, interrupt you if necessary, etc.

The parent child relationship is one of the most important relationships a child has. As a parent, you should continually strive to improve your parenting, and help your child to love themselves, and believe they have worth. If they do, they will go further, and be more successful in every aspect of their life. If you don't, your child may face some real struggles, that could have been easily avoided.

Nasty Neighbors

One of the relationships that can be the best or the worst is that of neighbor relationships. Having a neighbor who is your friend can be so wonderful. It means having someone to borrow that cup of sugar from, or to run over and talk to when you just need to vent, or to rely on to pick up your mail when you head out of town, etc. However, a neighbor you don't get along with can be just as bad as a friendly neighbor is good.

]]> Neighbor problems can arise from any number of reasons, it might be because of a shared border. It might be because of noise or traffic. It might be because you hit their garbage can when backing out of your drive. The possibilities are endless, so when dealing with a nasty neighbor, it is important to realize that it doesn't matter that much what the nastiness is about. Often, if it is not one thing, it will be another. So, in order to overcome the problems associated with having a nasty neighbor, which might be as little and insignificant as dirty looks, and could be escalated to phone calls to the cops, etc., you need to focus on improving the relationship.

The following are a few tips for improving a relationship with a nasty neighbor:
1. Include them. If you are having a neighborhood party, or are standing out in the neighborhood talking to someone else, always be sure to include them. If someone feels excluded they are likely to lash out, or act unkind, maybe your nasty neighbor just needs a friend.

2. Remember them on holidays. Neighbor gifts, and kind gestures, cards, etc. can be a nice way to help repair some of the nasty neighbor damage. So, always think of them on holidays.

3. Get togethers. One great way to get over some of the tension or drama with neighbors is to become their friend. Invite them over for a BBQ, or for dinner, or to play games, or watch a movie, or something so that you begin the bonds of friendship.

4. Extend the hand of friendship, offering to pick things up for them at the store, etc. It is easy to get past problems with someone when you are giving them service. So, if you are mowing the lawn that borders theirs, why not just mow theirs right along with your own? If you are running to the store, and pass them by, ask if you can pick anything up for them. A kind gesture can go along way to patching wounds and starting friendships.

5. Talk to them when problems arise. All too often the reasons neighborhood problems lead to nasty neighbors is that no one says anything because of awkwardness or fear of stepping on toes, hurting feelings, etc. However, often, something as simple as a conversation should eliminate a great deal of problems.

My kid's dad wants to be part of his life

There are many families these days with parents who are divorced, or who never married. Often this leads to custody agreements where the child spends the majority of its time with one parent rather than the other. In some cases, a single parent, typically the mother will get full custody. The possible situations are endless. So, what do you do if you have been raising your child by yourself without the support or aid of, or interaction of the child's father, and suddenly they want to be part of their life? Do you let them? Do you tell them no? What is the best options?

]]> Consider the following:
What are the pros and cons of allowing your child's father to be part of his life? This is going to vary for every person. Sometimes a child needs a strong male role model, and it can be very useful to let their dad be part of their life. In other situations, it can just bring up hurtful and confusing questions in the child, such as, "Why haven't they been in my life up until now?" When you are forced with the decision as to whether or not let your child's dad back into their life, you have to weigh out the pros and cons. Make a physical list, as it can be very helpful in sorting the emotion from the fact.

What does your child want? It is important to consider this when making your choice. Some children may feel bitterness and resentment, and may become angry if they are forced to spend time with a parent who they feel has abandoned them. In other cases, a child may be thrilled at the chance to have interaction with a parent. They may crave that time, approval etc. So, talk to your child about what they want before making a decision.

What kind of stability or stability issues does this present for the child? How will your child respond if they become attached, and then the parent leaves again? How likely is the dad to stick around? How consistent will they be with your child? Can you count on them? You don't want to hurt a child, or give them an excuse for rebellion or other bad behavior.

It can be difficult to get over issues between an ex, but it is important to understand that those issues should not get in the way of what is best for the child. Letting personal issues stand in the way of a child having a parent is never a good idea. Of course, just letting a deadbeat parent back into a child's life is not a good idea either. There is not right or wrong answer, rather the best thing you can possibly do for your child is evaluate the people involved, the motivations, the potential risks, etc. and make the choice that seems to have the best overall chance of a successful outcome.

Love lessons

Sometimes love stinks. Sometimes you get involved, emotionally and things don't work out. However, these road bumps, although seemingly negative, are often wonderful, as they are actually lessons about love that with out, would make it far more difficult to actually know when you are in love. The following are a few love lessons that everyone has to learn the hard way.

]]> Experiencing loss makes you appreciate what you have- It can be really crappy to get dumped, or to lose someone that is close to you, friend, spouse, etc. However, in love and life we learn to value what we have more when we do not have it. The person who is stuffed full of food is far less appreciative of a hamburger than the person who is super hungry. So it is with love. When we don't have it, we appreciate it more. Thus, losing love helps us learn how to appreciate the love we have WHILE we have it, rather than waiting for it to be gone before we take the time to care. Often, when you have a great significant other, you may take them for granted, and then when they are gone, you realize how amazing they really were. By realizing this mistake, which you almost always have to make to learn the lesson, you will treat your next significant other with more gratitude and appreciation.

Relationships gone bad can help you decipher what you do wrong in relationships, and what you expect, and how to change those expectations to get what you actually need- All too often we set unrealistic expectations in relationships. We often expect changes that won't occur, and for people to be something other than themselves. Because of our expectations, we are often disappointed. It is better, by far, to learn what you need from a relationship so that you can actually get it. For example, maybe you need space, and the ability to maintain your own life in addition to the shared life that you have when you have a significant other. You may not realize how important this is to you until someone infringes on that need.

There are all kinds of love lessons to be learned, some are about yourself, and things you can change, such as being more trusting, less clingy, or more emotionally available, others are about what you need, such as a person who can handle your crazy. Love lessons can help you learn appreciation, affection, understanding, and more.

Don't ever avoid connecting with people because of the fear of loss. There is a lot that can be learned from loss, both good and bad, but all will make you stronger, and better prepared for your next relationship, and eventually for the person you are going to spend your life with. Love lessons don't feel good to learn, but can greatly benefit your future relationships.

Did I give up adventure for marriage?

Divorce rates around the country have escalated, each year the number seems to grow. More and more people are opting for non-traditional unions, rather than marriage. Why? What can you do to make sure your marriage lasts? What can you do to not doom yourself to a failed relationship? The most important thing you can do is keep your mind where it should be. When people start to think about what could have been. or what they may have done. or how their life would be different if. it usually leads to trouble.

]]> Many people feel like marriage is synonymous with giving up on your hopes and dreams. While it is true that it can be difficult to be as spontaneous and free when you have a spouse, children, home, responsibilities, etc. it is also important to realize you do not have to give up on dreams, simply alter them and recognize that you give up some things to gain so many more. Sure, it is hard to just go out late on a Friday when you have kids at home, but is it worth that ability to miss out on those sweet smiles, butterfly kisses, first steps, proclamations or love in barely understandable words, and other things you only get from being a parent?

If you are feeling like you gave up adventure for marriage, it is likely that you are being very specific about the adventures you may have given up, and very close minded about the many adventures that opened up to you because of marriage. Simply exploring the bounds of relationships is an adventure.

If you start to feel like you sacrificed something in order to be married, it is important to get to the bottom of those feelings. What in your life is causing your discontent? It is typically something totally unrelated. You might start to think about the life you can have lead if. without realizing the cause of those feelings. Sometimes, a simple night out, or time spent on you can help you alleviate those feelings. It is important in marital relationships that you take time for you, not always giving, but sometimes taking. If you are gaining things from a relationship (Security, the feelings of being valued, loved, etc.) you won't focus on what that relationship may or may not have caused you to miss out on.

Lastly, it is important to realize you are not alone. Many mothers, for example, at some point or another question themselves about why they gave up their bodies, their efforts, and time to mother ungrateful children. Reflecting on how different your life may have been is not a bad thing unless you let those reflections turn into seeds of discontent that fester and lead to the ruination of the marriage. Don't blame your marriage for your lack of self-fulfillment, plenty of married people have adventures and fulfill their dreams.

Dealing with a secretive spouse

Everyone communicates differently. However, it can be difficult to be in a relationship if you are a sharer, and your spouse is not. Some people simply prefer to keep things to themselves, however, this can be misconstrued as being secretive. So, what do you do if you are in a relationship with a "secretive spouse"?

]]> First you need to outline why it bothers you that they are secretive. It is important for them to understand why it bothers you, otherwise they will have no motivation to change the behavior. Often when a spouse won't share, the automatic conclusions to jump to are that they have something to hide. This may make you wonder if they are cheating, or lying or doing something else they should not do.

On another side, sometimes when a spouse acts secretive, or is not a great sharer when it comes to communication, it makes the spouse who is not being talked to feel lonely. They may feel like their spouse is emotionally unavailable, and that they are living by themselves in many respects. So, it is good to share that. If you have a secretive spouse, and as a result you often feel left out or lonely, make sure they know this so that they can rectify the behavior, just be sure to let them know what you need from them so as not to feel that way.

If a spouse won't share, you may feel as though they are unwilling to give. This is a common sentiment in relationships, where one seems to be the giver, and the other the taker. This is not a healthy aspect, and it is one that should be addressed and changed as quickly as possible.

What can you do?
1. Learn how to communicate in a manner where both feel satisfied and compromise- Sometimes people are simply uncomfortable sharing every minute detail of their day, so instead of expecting them to tell you everything, you can sit down together and determine what topics you do want to hear about, and what you expect.
2. Adjust expectations-If you suffer from a "secretive" spouse, it may be a matter of you needing to adjust your expectations. Sometimes people are simply not comfortable with sharing certain information. This does not mean that they lack trust in you, or don't love you, rather that they simply do not think the same way you do about everything.
3. Learn to express when you feel they are being secretive so that they can alleviate any fears you may have-This is the most important thing you can do. If they know that you are jumping to wrong conclusions because they aren't telling you things, it gives them the chance to explain, share what they want, or help you feel better about things and know that you conclusions are wrong. Of course, they can only do this if you let them know how you feel.

Can someone change?

In relationships, one of the major problems comes from expecting change from someone. People should never go into a relationship expecting people to change what they do, and how they do it. If you do, chances are you will be unhappy in the long run. This is not to say that people can't change, but they often won't.

]]> Too often people get involved with someone because of the idea of who they could be, or in other words, the fall in love with their potential, not with who they are. Then they spend the whole relationship trying to change or mold the person into someone other than who they are. While in theory people in relationships should be pliable, the fact of the matter is that two people go into relationships, and two people come out of them. Sure some changes occur, and people can change, but most of the time, the willingness to do so is not there.

Many relationship problems stem from expectations for change. It is critical to understand that it is possible for people to change. People turn their lives around, take responsibility, overcome bad habits, and make positive changes all of the time. However, no one does it because someone else is trying to get them to change. They do it because they want to. So, can someone change? Yes, but can you force someone to change? No.

In many relationships, problems occur, and couples try to work things out or seek counseling, and sometimes they come to successful resolutions. Other times they consider breaking up, divorce, separation, etc. Why? Because while they can see changes need to be made, they often wonder if it is really possible for a person to change. So the question really boils down to whether or not someone can actually change? Is it possible to change? The answer is complicated. Do they want to change? What are they trying to change? Are the changes fundamental? Is one person changing and the other not? Is there give and take, or just take? People are unlikely to change the fundamental characteristics of their being. For example, some people are just selfish in nature, and while they can make attempts to become less selfish, and may often exhibit unselfish behavior, without a continual study of it, when push comes to shove, their selfish sides will show.

The question of change is similar to that of whether something is principle or preference? If it is simply a matter of preference, then it is easy to be flexible and adjustable. However, if it is a matter of principle, then change becomes difficult, or impossible.

When looking at the people in your relationships, and asking whether or not you will see change, you have to ask how deeply rooted the behavior you want to see changed is, and how willing the person is to change. Then, you will know if it is possible.

Being lonely

How do you define lonely? Many people think that it is only possible to be lonely because of the absence of someone. However, sometimes you can feel lonely even if you are surrounded by people. Being lonely is a personal thing, not associated with the presence of or absence of anyone. It is possible to be alone without being lonely, just as it is possible to be surrounded and feel lonely.

]]> If being lonely is not a matter of having someone around, what is it a matter of? Often people feel lonely when relationships end, and this leads to them associating their loneliness with the lack of the person, when in reality it is due to something missing in their life. What characteristics about the relationship are leading to your feelings of loneliness now?

Loneliness and the way to rid yourself of loneliness are not caused by or solved by a person, rather it is due to your own emotional isolation. If you are the kind of person who does not really put yourself out there, chances are you will feel lonely when you don't have someone to draw you out and force you to open yourself up emotionally. If you are typically an emotionally isolated person, then those characteristics will persist despite your circumstances.

The power to not be alone/lonely is yours and yours alone. There are some people that can help you come out of your shell, and open up emotionally, but they are not the cause, you are. So, the best thing you can do if you feel lonely regularly is to analyze your feelings, and what it is that makes you isolate yourself emotionally. Is it fear of rejection? Is it a shyness that keeps you from participating? Is it lack of esteem?

Once you realize that your loneliness, heartbreak, or other trials are not caused by other people, but are controlled by yourself, you can bring them to a place where you can work on it. All too often people place the blame for their feelings on others, and thus give up the control to do anything about those feelings, or change them in any way. This is a sad mistake. When you give up your ability to control your own emotions, and take control of your own life, you give up the ability to be happy. So, while it is okay to miss people, and to feel hurt and pain at the loss of a relationship, etc. don't let that dictate to you how you will feel. You can miss someone without feeling lonely. You may have no control over getting someone back, but you can control how you choose to respond to that. If you choose to wallow in it and let loneliness isolate you, then you will be lonely. If you decide to learn from the loss, and mourn it, but still put yourself out there and have fun, then you will, and your loneliness will evaporate.

Being alone together

The word alone doesn't seem to apply to relationships. People would much rather be together than be alone, but what about being alone together? What does that mean for a relationship? What does it mean to be alone, together? In a relationship, being alone, together is one of the most important aspects of finding happiness, and making a relationship work. Many people with problematic relationships avoid confronting those problems by hiding behind the comforts of company. It is easy to get along with someone in a crowd, far easier than facing the facts that you may not have as much chemistry as you think. When you are alone, together, you are forced to either strengthen your relationship, or let it fall apart. So, think about your relationship, and think of what being alone, together means for it.

]]> Ask yourself what you would do, and who you would do it with if you could do anything imaginable. Does the activity that comes to mind involve a group, or one person? Does the company include the person you are in a relationship with? You need to find out for yourself what you want most in life, and whom you want to spend life with.

Do you like spending time with just each other? Do you need other people around with you to have fun? When two people can spend time alone together and laugh, and talk, and bond, and be together for hours on end, and just enjoy life because it is spent together, they can find happiness. If you would rather be alone together than with anyone else, then chances are you are in a relationship that will last.

Although there is more to a relationship then simply wanting to be together, a relationship is strongest when you would rather be alone together than be with anyone else. If you can look at your significant other, and see them, and know that you would rather spend time with them than anyone else, and not just time, but alone time, your relationship is pretty strong. No matter what problems you face in your relationship, if you know with confidence that you would rather be alone together than be with anyone else, you can work through things. Add to the desire to be alone, together good communication where you express your mutual respect, your wishes, desires, and what you expect for one another, some elements of fun, and you have a happy, committed relationship. If you find that you don't want to be alone together with your significant other, then it is time to work on that.

You can improve your relationship by spending time alone together, and figuring out where your issues lie. Maybe your interests vary so much that you are left with little to do or talk about. So, instead look for something you can share together. Being together is key.

Are you looking for happiness in your relationships?

Many people seek relationships in order to be happy. They think that the only way to be happy is to be with someone. The problem with this logic is that while a person can make you happy, when they are gone, then how will you feel? What happens if you break up, or your friendship dissolves? The person who thinks that a relationship is how they will be happy, will almost always have an unhappy life. If you want to find happiness in a relationship, try the following:

]]> Find personal happiness- A relationship is made up of two people and if either of those people is personally unhappy, it will show through the relationship. So, before you can have a happy relationship, work on a happy personal life. What makes you happy? What makes you unhappy? How do you feel about yourself? One of the best things you can do for any relationship is feel complete on your own. Find ways to value yourself outside of the opinions of others. Too many people base their value on what other people say their value is. It is a good idea to remind yourself every day that you are awesome, and that you are happy to be you.

Working on self-esteem-If you want happiness in your relationships, take the time to work on your self-esteem. It is hard to feel good about others, and interact with them the way you should. When someone feels insecure, they often take those insecurities out on other people. It is hard to be in a happy relationship when the parties are treating one another badly. So, learn to love yourself and you can love others. It sounds simple, but it is true.

Making sure your relationship has the elements of happiness- Sometimes relationships are just not cut out to be happy. Either someone in it is determined to stir up drama or sabotage the good things, etc. or, the two people are just not ready for happiness. If you want to find happiness in your relationship, then consider trying to do things like improve communication; be thoughtful and considerate of their feelings; put one another first. Try the walking a mile in each other's shoes approach. When relationships are going well, there are usually components that come in to play beyond things like physical attraction. You have to build a strong relationship from the bones up. This means you have to start with mutual respect, and then work on communication, and trust, and love.

People usually get in relationships to find some level of happiness. Relationships are often a source for happiness, and can add to happiness, but happiness in a relationship is not possible without happiness on a personal level. So, don't forget this, and work on it every day so that you can enjoy the benefits of a committed relationship.