Being friends with the opposite sex when you are married
One of the main questions for many individuals when they get married is whether or not they can still maintain their friendships with members of the opposite sex. Some people have already addressed this issue with their partner if they have been in a long term relationship before getting married, but something about marriage makes things even more official and thus makes the problem even more difficult and central. Now that you have officially said that you are connected to this other person, can you still hang out with your old roommate's ex-boyfriend or your good friend from junior high?
I'm not going to give you an easy answer that says yes you can be friends with members of the opposite sex or no you can't be friends with members of the opposite sex. Instead, I think that whether or not you can be friends with members of the opposite sex when you are married is something that you and your spouse have to decide together, based on your relationship.
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Some people have a relationship with their spouse that is open and pretty free of jealousy and insecurity. If you have this type of relationship with your spouse, then you may be able to maintain friendships with members of the opposite sex when you are married. But if you do have this type of relationship with a member of the opposite sex, then you should be able to talk about the issue with your spouse. If the two of you decide that it's fine to maintain friendships with members of the opposite sex, you should be careful to make sure that those friendships never trump your relationship with your spouse. If you find that you are better friends with these other people than you are with your spouse, then you will want to seriously evaluate your relationships and the way that you are acting.
Look carefully at your relationships with your friends. Think about your past together and look at your level of intimacy now. Are you prone to share details about your marriage with your friends of the opposite sex? You should avoid doing so, because you're putting yourself in a potentially dangerous situation. If you are friends with some of your exes, then you should think about whether or not your past is going to be any bit of an issue at all in your friendship. If it is, then you might be better backing off on the friendship and becoming nothing more than calm acquaintances. If your friendship with a member of the opposite sex is flirtatious, then you should probably avoid it for the sake of your marriage.
If you are in a marriage that tends to be jealous, or if your partner feels threatened by your friendship, then you should rethink your friendships with members of the opposite sex. If you are really committed to your marriage, then it should be more important to you to maintain the health of your marriage than pursuing friendships that put your marriage in jeopardy. Of course, this is all based on considering whether or not your partner's jealousy and insecurity isn't so extreme that it ends up being abusive. It's important to think through everything and not to sacrifice what is really important to you, and also not to jeopardize your marriage, if it is more important to you than your friendships.
