Let's look at the best tips for each of these four types of marital conflict:

Faults and Weaknesses.

Before you can understand the tips you have to understand what kind of marital conflicts fall into this category. This is for the problems that come up because of things you or your spouse do that the other person does not like. For example, you might hate how they chew their food, drive a car, or manage money. These are all matters of opinion, and really may not be a fault or weakness at all. It is shortcomings that fall into this category.

• Tip one: Do not try and change your spouse. Faults are a matter of opinion. You may fault your spouse for talking too much, and they may fault you for not talking enough. If you try to change the person, you are going to have marital conflict. Instead, let them know the problem you have with it, and then work on yourself. Trying to change someone other than yourself is a good recipe for frustration.
• Tip two: When it comes to faults and weaknesses, the best way to solve marital problems is to have a open dialogue about the fault or weakness. This means that you both contribute to the conversation, and you do not use it as a time to tell your spouse everything that is wrong with them in your opinion. Instead of saying, "You suck with money," you say, "I am concerned about how you manage money." This allows for an adult conversation without accusation or conflict.
• Tip three: Focus on yourself. The fact is you are always going to be able to find faults or weaknesses in your spouse if you look for them. If you want to resolve marital conflict it is wise to stop looking, and instead focus those energies on improving yourself and eliminating your own faults and weaknesses. This often results in reciprocated efforts, and a much happier marriage.

Unintended Emotional Injury.

One of the common marital conflicts, especially in young marriages occurs when someone hurts their spouse's feelings and didn't intend to. Usually the hurt spouse does not realize it was unintentional, and takes the matter too personally. However, in many cases these types of conflict come from one person having to prove they are right.

• Tip one: Share your feelings. When these types of conflicts arise, it is often unnoticed until it escalates. So, instead of letting the hurt fester and later lead to a big blow out or problem, express your hurt. It is best to phrase it like so: "I know you didn't intend to hurt me, but I felt . . . (insert how you feel)." It is important that when you use this marital conflict resolution tactic that you give your spouse the benefit of the doubt, and assume that they did not intend to hurt you. Usually this is the case, and assuming otherwise leads to further problems. Most of the time these conflicts arise from your spouse hitting a sensitive spot with you, or touching on a vulnerability that they did not even know you had. For example, you may insecure about your cooking skills, and let's say that your spouse comes home from work, and has already eaten, so they barely touch the dinner you made. They may not realize it hurts your feelings, and may never offer an explanation because they did not realize one was needed. So, if you want to resolve these types of problems, it is best to be open and honest about how certain actions make you feel.
• Tip two: Learn to recognize what insecurities and things trigger hurt that was not intentional. Usually if we can recognize the underlying causes of why they "trigger" emotions, we can better deal with the results. Most often, things from your childhood are at the root. In many cases we do not even realize it. For instance, a wife who was unpopular in high school and rarely included in group activities, etc. might take her husband choosing to go out with his friends for a boys night out as a slight. Her insecurity from the past is the trigger, and when this is the case, the conflict can be resolved by her taking responsibility for her own reaction, and his being more sensitive to those things that trigger such responses.
• Tip three: If your spouse tells you that something you did unintentionally hurt them, do not get defensive, rather respect their feelings, apologize, explain if you need to, and move on, making greater efforts to show them how much you love them.

Preferences.

In some cases marital conflict arises because of your differences, and preferences. For example, when you were dating, these differences may have made dating more fun, and made you feel like the person completed you. However, after marriage, occasionally these differences can go from completing you as a couple to making you opposites and enemies. What you once liked you now fight about. For example, he may have loved how athletic you were and how devoted to exercise, and you may have loved how scholarly he is, and how well-read he is. However, after a time, he might start to resent her love of exercise because it means she leaves to go to the gym everyday when she could spend time with her. She might hate his love of books because she may feel he is choosing his books and ignoring her.

• Tip one: Remember to respect what makes you individuals. Just because you think one way doesn't mean your spouse's opposite thinking is wrong--it's just different. Different isn't wrong. Usually marital conflict in this arena results from thinking that is based on the idea that there is only one way to think about something or do some-thing.
• Tip two: Do not let preferences turn into reasons to fight. Let's say she loves Italian food, and he loves Mexican. Is a preference in food type worth a marriage fight? No. So, put your relationship first, and go out for Mexican.again. Then find a way to compromise on the issue, such as switching off who picks where you eat, or getting take out from two places and eating at home.
• Tip three: Speak up, if it is a matter of preference, it is not worth a fight, but if you feel that your own preferences aren't ever honored, then it can lead to resentment. So, take time to evaluate if your spouse is really ignoring your preferences, and if you find that it is the case, then mention it. Just be careful to not get too blame oriented or judgmental. Also, remember that your spouse may not know your preferences, and thus is not honoring them due to ignorance. So, make your preferences known so that you never make the mistake of saying, "We always do what you want to do, and never do what I want to." And get the response, "I thought we were doing what you wanted to do."

Principles

This is the most serious form of marital conflict, and the most difficult to deal with. This is when conflict arises because of something that goes against not just your preferences, but your principles. For some, spending a night playing poker may not be the ideal activity, but for others it goes against their moral beliefs. When you have a conflict over principles it is when something occurs in the marriage to oppose your principle. For example, if your spouse cheats. These are not the spats that come from your spouse buying chocolate sandwich cookies instead of Oreos, rather those that come from a difference in fundamental principles.

• Tip one: Do your best to marry someone with principles that align well with your own. This is not a prejudice remark, but the fact is, if you marry someone with the same religion, same background, same moral beliefs, etc. then there is far less likely to be in conflict over principles.
• Tip two: Show compassion. Compassion is an important part of overcoming or resolving this particular type of marital conflict. It means forgiving your mate; however, forgiving doesn't mean we're saying the conflict didn't happen or that he or she shouldn't suffer the consequences of it. But it means releasing our anger and our need to take revenge. For example, if your spouse cheats on you, then you can hold them accountable, but not get back at them.
• Tip three: Make your principles known. This is huge. If you want to resolve these types of marital conflicts you have to help your spouse understand why there is even conflict in the first place. So, make sure they know where you stand, then work to align your principles as closely as possible. Remember, compromising over preferences is great, but compromising principles leads to resentment.