Bridling your tongue for a better relationship
In relationships it is always important to watch what you say to people, and how you say it. A mean word, or a careless word can mean the end of a great friendship, or relationship. Words are not only for communication. Words can act as weapons, and thus should be carefully thought out before they are used. Never say something in joking that could hurt someone if you were not joking.
There is an old adage small children would sing on the play grounds, it goes, "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me." This is entirely untrue. Name calling, and words, these emotionally damaging weapons can hurt more than physical weapons. If someone were to physically hurt you, with a little time and treatment it hurts. However, if your heart is hurt with words, you may never fully recover. Chances are you will never be the same person again. Words can damage the heart and soul. You can get counseling, and try all sort of other therapy, but your outlook, your feelings, and most importantly, your relationship with the offender will never be the same again. You do not want to risk this with people you love.
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Words are very powerful. They are a great way to express love, care, and devotion, but if not respected and properly used, they also create pain. Every relationship works on words. No matter how many actions you portray, or how many ways you show them, until you say the words, "I love you," the question will linger in their mind. The same goes for cruel or unkind words. No matter how rude your actions are to a person, they never hurt as much as the mean words.
Any word that is not deserved (and even most that are deserved) hurts badly. However, it hurts even worse if the person who says it is supposed to be someone who loves and cares about you. If hurtful words come out of the mouth of your partner in any argument, they will be remembered for, well forever. So, we all need to recognize that sometimes we speak without realizing the hurt we are giving to the other person. The flow of arguments and our emotions makes us forget that we are talking to a human being with a heart. So, next time you are tempted to say something unkind, or the argument is taking a direction where hurtful words are bound to spew out, take a minute and reflect on words in the past that hurt you. Recognize how painful they were to hear, and then walk away. That action will be forgiven much faster than an untrue, hateful comment.
One of the best ways to have a better relationship is to bridle your tongue. No matter how justified you feel you can't win saying something unkind. All you can do is make the situation worse. So, instead of adding fuel to fire, cut off the oxygen. It will slowly die out, and then, you can get back to enjoying your relationship.
It can be very difficult to bridle your tongue, but it takes practice and diligence. Never let yourself make a mistake in this area, as words hurt far worse than anything else. If it is in email, wait a few days before responding. If it is on the phone, tell the person you will call them back when you have a chance to think things through. If it is in person. Stop, say, "I do not want to say things I do not mean. We need to talk about this later, after I have a chance to mull things over." Then remove yourself from the situation. You will be glad you did. (However, this does not mean ignore it. It just means come back to it when you are not letting your emotions be your guide.)
