Building close friendships
Everyone brings special and unique qualities to friendships. That's what draws other people to you and allows relationships to become richer and wiser. Building a relationship with a friend requires taking risks by trusting and expecting trust in return from that individual. In order to promote a healthy relationship there must be equality and loyalty between friends and a strong desire to work through any challenges that come up.
Challenges for friendships can include distance, marriage, children and work, but as long as the relationship isn't neglected, there are ways to reduce the effects of changing life factors. Many conflicts in personal relationships can be avoided by taking time to acknowledge and listen to another person's point of view. Learning to be flexible to the ever shifting needs and quirks of a friendship will ensure resiliency and strength in the relationship.
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In this age of online chat rooms, social networking pages and email, the definition of friendship has expanded. Although some people will never understand how others can be so close to someone they have never seen in person, others realize that the changing world also means the bonds of friendships are not limited to speaking face to face, going to dinner or talking on the telephone. This new category of friendships is no less important than those made 20 years ago on the playground at school, they just require a different set of rules and an understanding of how to nurture new beginnings through an alternate form of communication.
All relationships take time and friendships are no different. Just as young children must go through a growing process when they begin friendships, so must adults, just on a much quicker, and more efficient path. As adults, we realize that making new friendships is difficult at best. Our daily lives interfere with the time needed to cultivate the trust and values of a strong personal connection to someone we don't live with. Because of this, many of us leave relationships at the "acquaintance" status and lose out on what could be a wealth of love and commitment in a friendship.
Moving from acquaintance status to friendship starts with simply having a desire to be closer to another person. Even if you are unable to spend large amounts of time with the individual, use the time together wisely by sharing private thoughts or feelings and bringing this person into your inner circle. If the desire is mutual, the individual will be responsive and will usually share some of his/her personal feelings with you too. Mutual values and lifestyles may play into the ability to grow relationships out of an already full schedule. Many adults find it easier to relate to parents of their children's friends, colleagues and church associates because groundwork of common beliefs is already in place.
Beware of the toxic friendship though. Entering a new relationship opens the doors to warm comfort as well as hurt. Toxic friendships based on one person's selfish needs, lack of self confidence, or need to compete can be difficult to forgive and forget. Periodically check your status with friends to make sure the commitment is mutually beneficial.
A close friend; whether there to help you through a specific time in your life or for an entire lifetime is a valuable and important commitment. There is no greater feeling than having the support of a loving circle of people in your life that you can share your sorrow and your triumphs with and know that you will be there to return the favor. Just remember that the best marriages start when the couple starts their relationship with a solid friendship.
