Building healthier relationships with your extended family
If you have a friend that constantly complains about her in-laws, you need to help them work on their extended family relationships. Building healthy relationships with your extended family members is important to the well-being of your entire family. Everyone is different and unique and that is what sets us apart as human beings. Think what a boring world it would be to live in if everyone agreed at the time and had the exact same opinions. While you may get annoyed by things your extended family members do like call and leave a 45 minute voicemail or drop by unexpected, they are still your family. The little things they do are out of love, even if you don't see it that way.
There is no relative term that defines what make a family normal. Every family has its own quirks and odd behaviors, but this is what makes a family a family. Here are some easy tips to help you build relationships with your extended family:
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Tip # 1 - Don't have expectations
One of the worst things you can do it set expectations on your family members. Most of the time they won't meet them and this will make you unhappy. You should not try to make someone into an idealistic image in your head because you will be disappointed when they don't act this way in person. For example, when a person has a stroke, they are never going to be the same again. If you try to change them after the stroke, it won't work because part of their brain has been damaged. You need to learn to accept them for who they are and let them just be them, even if this causes you to get introduced to a bunch of "potential suitors" at the shopping mall with your grandmother.
Tip # 2 - Patience and love
Remember that your family loves you no matter what and they are not conspiring to make your life miserable. When it comes to building relationships with your extended family you need to have a lot of patience. You may be 35, but this doesn't change the fact that your great aunt will still treat you like you are 13. She knew you when you were born and she has been there to watch you grow and change. Have patience with this imperfection and just learn to love her.
Tip # 3 - Serve your family
One of the best ways to strengthen your extended family relationships is to serve them. If you have an 80 year-old Grandma, offer to shovel snow or mow her lawn. Take her lunches and dinners so you know she is eating nutritiously. Serving your family is a great way to show them that you love and care about them. It is also a great way to strengthen your bond. Think about the way you feel when someone does something nice for you and find ways to return the favor. For your immediate family, look for simple things you can do like washing the dishes, mowing the lawn, and dumping the garbage. For your extended family, host a party and invite everyone to come so you can socialize. Take them dinners when you hear that they are sick. Send them birthday cards or emails or just a message once and awhile to let them know you are always there for them and willing to help if they need it.
Service is one of the best ways to forgo selfishness and put the needs of your family before your own. If people know they can count on you when they need you, it will set the foundation for a long-lasting relationship.
