No sex drive
There are a number of factors that can contribute to a lower sex drive, but that does not mean you have to live a life without libido. So, here are a few tips for dealing with the troubling symptoms of not having a sex drive:
Sex Articles
I'd rather not get an STD
Question: I have been dating this girl for about 6 months, I love her, and we have recently decided that we should become intimate. However, before we did, she told me that she has had several STDs and some of them may still be contagious. I don't want to judge her, but I have always been careful about who I sleep with, and it bothers me that she has not been. I am not sure if this is something I can get past. I would rather not get an STD. Am I being too shallow?
Safe Sex Overview
With the high risk of sexually transmitted diseases, safe sex practices are more important than ever. Safe sex is also important to prevent pregnancy. Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are spread by sexual contact, not just sexual intercourse. Oral sex and anal sex can both cause STDs to occur. There are several sexually transmitted diseases like Chlamydia, genital warts, and gonorrhea that can cause not only embarrassment, they can cause other problems like infertility.
Common mistakes made by men during sex
Men sometimes make mistakes during sex, the following are some of the most common mistakes they make:
1. Being in too big of a hurry. Biologically it takes a man only two minutes to reach climax, while it takes a woman an average of twelve minutes to reach climax. If you want her to be satisfied, it is important that you slow things down so that she has a chance to catch up with you. This may mean using more foreplay, keeping your clothes on longer, or buying a product that will help you last longer, such as a desensitizer that may make that area a little less sensitive, so that you can wait it out. Just remember, just because you want it right now doesn't mean her body is ready for it right now, so be willing to put your urgency on hold in order to make it a pleasant experience for her too.
What you need to know about sex and dating: Featured Article
The hardest part for anyone when dating is knowing when you are ready to move your relationship to the next level. For most people being ready for sex is a psychological and physical change that they must be prepared for. The best advice anyone can give you about dating is to know yourself. You must understand what your core values and emotional needs are. Too many people are unsure of what they really want and wind up in an unhappy relationship, blaming the other person for their faults. You need to know what type of relationship you want before you just jump into it head first. Once you have begun dating someone, it is important to do a "check-up" and make sure you and your partner are communicating effectively and are truly happy with your relationship.
Dating Advice
Before we jump into sex, let's discuss the basics of dating. For a teenager, dating can be a scary thing, from calling the person, to meeting her or him at their parent's house, to making up conversation on the date. For an adult, dating can also be scary for some of the same reasons, plus the idea of marriage may pop into your head. And for anyone who has recently gotten out of a long-term relationship, jumping back into the dating scene can be scary and difficult.
The current divorce ratio in the United States is approximately 3.6 per 1,000 marriages. If you want to avoid becoming one of the 3.6, here are some basic dating tips to start with:
"What you need to know about sex and dating: Featured Article" »
Making time for sex
If there's one thing that most people quarrel about in their relationship it is sex. There never seems to be enough of it. There's not enough time for it; there's not enough energy for it; there's not enough focus on it; there's just not enough of it! Most relationships work a whole lot better when some sort of equilibrium is reached. It's like goldilocks and the three bears. Everyone is looking for "just right" when it comes to sex. At least one part of it shouldn't be so hard: making time for sex. In all reality is doesn't take that long eh? But fulfilling both partner's needs and expectations can take a little longer. Here are some suggestions on how to make time for sex.
Spontaneity
5 Ways to increase your sex drive
Sex is a great part of life, and most married couples enjoy a healthy, happy sex life. However, there are times in your life when your sex drive will suffer. This could be because of emotional, physical, or physiological reasons, but whatever the reason, it is important to increase your sex drive in order to stay happy. With just these five little suggestions, you increase your sex drive.
1. Get in shape. Seriously. Many medical studies have shown that exercise can increase your sex drive. Sex can be helped by stamina and that can mean doing a little cardio on a regular basis. Additionally, when you look better you feel better. When you feel better, the endorphins start flowing. When you feel confident about how you look to others, you put off a vibe. When others are attracted to you, you feel attractive. So, what it all comes down to is if you exercise, you will want to have sex more, and others will want to have sex with you more.
What does the research say about viewing sex videos as a married couple?
Question: "What does the research say about viewing sex videos as a married couple?"
Answer: What research says about viewing sex videos as a married couple is a great question. It seems that everywhere you go, there's advice on which sex videos to rent as a married couple. No questions asked about whether or not it's a good idea. It may also seem like it's sort of an expected thing to do together. Whether you do already view sex videos together as a married couple, or whether you don't view sex videos together, it's a good question to ask.
"What does the research say about viewing sex videos as a married couple?" »
Sex after 50
If all you know of sex was what you saw on television you would have to assume that only people in their late teens and early twenties have sex, and that all women orgasm multiple times, and men are buff and attractive, and can last for up to 8 hours.
Ok.maybe not, but the truth is, according to popular media images sex at midlife and beyond never happens, and once you are over 50 you might as well forget it. There is a lot of confusion and misunderstanding about later life sex, and whether or not you can have it, how often you do, and whether or not it is any good. So, let's take some time to sort through the fact and the fiction:
My husband wants us to watch sex videos together. Is that a good idea?
Question: My husband wants us to watch sex videos together. Is that a good idea?
Answer: Whether it's a good idea or not for you and your husband to watch sex videos together depends entirely on you and your husband. Many couples watch sex videos together as a way to spice up their sex life and to improve their relationship. They feel that watching sex videos together is a good way to make things more exciting and to explore different fantasies and desires that they have.
"My husband wants us to watch sex videos together. Is that a good idea?" »
I'm in a sexless marriage, how can I change that?
If you are in a sexless marriage and what to change it, first get at the root of the problem. Why is your marriage sexless? Ask yourself questions in the following five areas to determine why your marriage is sexless, or at least what some of the factors contributing to that are.
First, what biological problems might be impacting you, your partner, and thus your relationship?
Second, what relationship problems might be getting in the way of enjoying sex together?
Third, what particular cultural issues about "right" and "wrong" might be blocking you?
Fourth, what personal issues, what struggles with the way you think or feel, are keeping you stuck?
Fifth, what spiritual and/or energetic issues might be sapping you from the ability to relax and free-fall into a relationship of bliss?
Sex begins in the kitchen
Sex is a part of marriage. Sex is supposed to be fun, and enjoyable. Intimacy and sex are something most enjoy. Food is also something most enjoy. So, how do they go together?
Sex begins in the kitchen. Traditionally dinner was a preface to sex. In fact, long ago in France and Australia it was possible to book a table at a restaurant that was actually a room with no door handle on the outer side of the door. This way dinner could be enjoyed, followed by sex without interruption. Dinner was like the foreplay to sex.
How to get more sex in your marriage
Marriage is exciting. For those newly engaged, or newly married, having enough sex is rarely an issue, but as life takes hold, children come along, and jobs get stressful, sex seems to be the first thing to go. Television shows grab hold, and you would rather stay up late watching the Late Show, then having sex.
The problem is, after a while, this lack of sex starts to be interpreted as a lack of interest in each other, or a lack of attraction to each other. While this is generally not the case, it is a common problem that can escalate into more severe marital problems.
Sex With An Ex
There you are sitting alone on a Saturday nite, eating stale Doritos and watching old re-runs of Seinfeld you have already seen seven times. It would not be so bad except you have an itch, a sexual itch that is, in need of scratching.
You start flipping through your brain's Rolodex and realize other than the slightly creepy person in accounting who flirts with you, there are no real prospects on the horizon. Big time Bridget Jones' loser feelings start seeping into your every pore. Panic ensues.
Your mind wonders back to the sex you had with your last partner. Instead of remembering all the reasons you broke up, you start obsessing about their soft, warm body up against yours in your nice cozy bed.
Without thinking you pick up the phone. They answer. You try to make some small talk but it is of no use. You ask them to come over for a "drink". Both of you know that is code for, "let's have sex at least three times tonite."
Your legs raw from twitching they finally arrive. In a mad haze to rip each other's clothes off, there is little or no thought given to consequences. Your itch is about to be scratched...hopefully they will sleep over as an added bonus.
Sex with an ex. Good idea to keep your sexual juices flowing during the transition time, or bad mistake that will keep you messed up for a longer period of time. As every breakup is different, doing some analysis might save you heartache when your libido takes over your brain.
First know you are not some freak'oid because you want to have sex with the exact same person you spent days (maybe weeks) getting all bent out of shape over after the breakup. Sex can comfortably numb the I'm-a-big-fat-loser worries, pain and panic in the short term. It is convenient and semi-reliable.
The Gift of Touch - Sexual Boredom
Sexual boredom is epidemic in North American. Couples come to me all the time not happy with their sex life. Their symptoms usually include: they get along well, they love each other, they want to make things work, however their sex life has become routine.
There are many reasons for sexual boredom. For busy couples sexual boredom can manifest itself via hurried sex. Hurry up get your clothes off. Hurry up and get aroused. Hurry up orgasm. Just hurry up and get it over with so I can get some blessed sleep.
Sex thereby becomes not a means of creating an intimate bond, but an effective way to avoid the guilt of not having sex on a regular basis or else an effective sleeping aid.
Granted, sometimes a good old orgasm is the best thing to bring a couple closer together. Most of the time though what is needed is to slow down, take a step back and simply touch one another.
And so my suggestion to these sexually bored couples is to try new techniques that include spending a whole lot more time touching.
Inevitably they cry, "But we do cuddle and hug each other every day." They then explain their ritual of hugging each other every morning or cuddling at night in front of a television program. Cuddling and hugging are essential and wonderful touching habits that help to keep a couple close.
However touching another human's body for the purpose of soothing pleasure is a completely different dynamic. Pleasurable touch is healing, nurturing and it allows us to be closer to our significant other. Our bodies need touch, want touch and crave touch.
Regrettably, pleasurable touch is something that is taken for granted. No touch can have us become numb from our necks down, distant from our spouse, and sexually unfulfilled.
Letter to Men About Sex
If I could write a letter to men (not all men but many men) on behalf of many women, it would go something like this.
Dear Men,
Women want sex to have a beginning, middle and end.
In chick-language, sex is a journey, not a goal oriented destination. In guy language, sex always seems to focus on the middle part: she has an orgasm, then he has an orgasm and then voila, you are done.
Do not misinterpret, women love the middle part just as much as you. However, there is so much more to sex than having an orgasm. Gasp, yes it is true.
Here are some basic rules for the not-middle-part of sex.
Floating Cleavage: To Stare or Not to Stare
While sitting at an outdoor patio with my guy pal, a good-looking lady sashayed by. She was nicely dressed and even more nicely put together. My friend remarked with obvious approval, "There is an excellent example of 'floating cleavage.'" Naturally I turned to get a gawk.
He was right. Her cleavage was in fact floating. Not jiggling, not bouncing, rather floating. (In case you have never witnessed this, the undersides of the breasts were immobile while the exposed upper skin was "floating" with her gait.) It was hard to deny, her cleavage was nice to look at.
Just in the nick of time my feminist side kicked in and indignantly I spat, "I thought you didn't believe in objectifying women?" A mocking smile curled around his lips and he responded with, "I don't. I simply like to admire the beautiful qualities of women."
Rolling my eyes, just about to blast him sarcastically with, "Yes, yes, I know you admire a beautiful woman with the same wonder you admire a beautiful car. If that isn't objectifying I don't know what is."
When he knocked the feminist-air out of me by stating, "Trina, you need to learn the difference between admiration and leering. I was respectfully admiring that woman. Not leering."
There's a difference? Well who made the rules? Because I still don't know the difference. Even though I have experienced both, I cannot express in words their intangible distinction.
Many a woman has recounted how a man undressed her with his eyes--besides making her feel terribly uncomfortable, it was downright creepy. Equally the same women said while walking past a construction site they secretly enjoyed the cat calls and whistles from leering construction workers--putting a bounce in their step.
Is It Really Mismatched Libidos?
You really need to ask yourself: is it really a matter of you and your partner having different libidos or is "mismatched libidos" a convenient diagnosis to a deeper unresolved relationship issue?
According to Michele Weiner Davis' book The Sex Starved Marriage, one in every three married couples struggles with problems associated with mismatched libidos.
Obviously this statistic piqued my interest enough to want to write about it. Yet while doing my research a common thread became apparent: most of the time mismatched libidos have little or nothing to do with sex.
Here are a few examples:
Body issues.--One person does not feel good about their body and avoids sex. Or after gaining weight their partner no longer finds them desirable.
Prolonged unresolved issues or arguments.--There is nothing that can throw a big wet blanket over a sizzling sex-drive faster than bottled up anger.
Keeping Marriage Exciting
The best way to keep it going?
Experience something new together. After you've been married many years, it may be more difficult to find things that you haven't experienced before - but open up your imagination to the infinite possibilities out there!
Whether it is something as simple as a new restaurant or a new recipe that you cook together, or as elaborate as visiting a foreign country - go on an "adventure" together where you can discover more about yourself and each other. Train a seeing-eye dog, rent a Hummer for the day, play a sexy version of monopoly, plant orchids, take a massage class - whatever it is, do it together. The process of learning is what keeps us young, and it is also what keeps our relationships fresh. We can grow together in many ways.
Copyright © 2005-2009 by Breakthrough Consulting, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
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Recent Tips
- No sex drive
- I'd rather not get an STD
- Safe Sex Overview
- Common mistakes made by men during sex
- What you need to know about sex and dating: Featured Article
- Making time for sex
- 5 Ways to increase your sex drive
- What does the research say about viewing sex videos as a married couple?
- Sex after 50
- My husband wants us to watch sex videos together. Is that a good idea?
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