Communication styles, men vs. women

Men and Women tend to communicate differently, this is fact. The truth is that the words and speech construction are the same; it is the meaning and intent that is different. Let's look at a few examples.

Phone communication

Men: Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people.

Women: A woman on the other hand can spend two days with her girlfriend and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours. The phone is a communication tool, but for long drawn out communication, or in other words chatting, gossiping, etc.


Men: Men are usually not huge conversationalists. In fact, most need a good disagreement to get talking. For example, if they went to a movie, and they liked it, they will say, it is good. But if they did not like it and someone else did, it is not "Good movie" it is "Are you crazy, that movie was terrible. The acting was bad, the plot predictable, the blah blah blah."

Women: Women, on the other hand do not have this problem. When you ask a man a question that is intended to initiate conversations, if it is agreeable you get a non-repsonse: "That piece of art above the mantel looks lovely." "Mm hmm." Pause. "That was a good dinner, wasn't it?" "Yeah." Pause. And so on. However, with women you could expect something else: "That piece of art above the mantel looks lovely." "Oh my goodness, I love it, the colors of the flowers really go well with the furniture, and drapes." Or. "That was a good dinner, wasn't it?" "Yes, I wish I had a bigger stomach so I could have eaten more; What was the sauce on the fish made of? It was so good."

Both women and men can be nurturing, aggressive, task-focused, or sentimental. So the differences in their communication styles is not what ways they communicated, it is the difference between the way they perceive the same messages to have different meanings.

How do the perceptions differ?

Well, it seems that women are more sensitive to the interpersonal meanings that lie "between the lines" in the messages they exchange with their spouses. Much of this comes from societal expectations that make women responsible for regulating intimacy. However, no matter what the reason, women pay more attention than men to the underlying meanings about intimacy that messages imply.

So what do men do, if women see underlying meanings, what do men see? Men on the other hand, are more sensitive to "between the lines meanings" about status. So, while women look that the intimacy, men perceive the hierarchy. With what is being said, where am I on the totem pole?

Women look for common ground, ways to relate, while men communicate in a more competitive way. Men more frequently emphasize the differences between themselves and others.

Understanding the differences in the way men and women communicate will lead to better understanding, and fewer fights with your spouse. Communication styles are different between women and other women, as well as men and other men. To improve your communication with others, try to understand that your perceptions effect how well you communicate, not necessarily what words are being said. Learning what it is that is intended to be conveyed improves communication. Understanding how a man or woman will perceive what you say, can help you change the way you say it to get the right message across.

Good communication between men and women is not hard to achieve, but it does take understanding and the ability to eek out what was intended rather than jump to conclusions.

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