Competition between friends and siblings healthy or not?
Competition is a natural part of life. We compete in school, we compete in the workplace, and we even compete with our friends and family. Competition is a great motivator. Without competition, we would have no reason to work hard. Without someone else to compare ourselves to in competition, we have no way of gauging our progress. We are constantly looking to others to decide how we are doing and what we should do next. Many times we can become engages in competitive behaviors without even realizing it. Many times, it is when we are unaware of our competitive behavior that it begins to get the best of us. We may allow our emotions to drive our actions and that means causing harm or insult to our friends and siblings. So is competition a good thing or a bad thing? There are certainly those who would argue one of both ways. In many cases, it is up to the individual and their specific circumstances to decide whether or not engaging in competition with a friend or sibling is a healthy thing.
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An evolutionary approach
Since the beginning of sibling existence as we know it, there has been competition and even sibling rivalry. The dynamics of the family are certainly complex. With more than one child vying for the affection of his or her parents, it is only natural that conflict will arise in the form or jealousy or hurt feelings. Many of the familial pressures are made the burdens of our friends, or in some cases, we transfer our competitive energy onto our friends and compete in order to re-assure ourselves of our personal worth. Darwinian theory suggests that competition between friends and family is not only healthy, but it is essential for the progress of humanity.
The costs and benefits of dominance
Most of us will determine whether or not competition with our family members and friends is a healthy thing by comparing the costs of being dominant (feeling the need to win) versus the benefits. In essence, we must pick our battles. In choosing the causes for which we will compete, one learns how to choose their battles and gain perspective that will help the individual learn how to control competitive urges and remain mindful of the relationship before the combat. Competition between friends and siblings is especially fierce in our youth and adolescent years as childhood competition is usually void of careful thought and empathetic feelings. Wisdom to think about our actions beforehand often comes with age. This is not to say that adulthood is free of competition, only that as an adult we are better suited mentally and emotionally to handle our competitive urges in the most responsible way possible.
The bottom line is that whether or not competition between siblings and friends is healthy or not is up to personal opinion as well as personal experience. Competition is necessary from an evolutionary standpoint, but try telling that to the sixteen-year-old girl whose boyfriend was stolen by her best friend, and you will get the response that evolution can go out the window. In the overall scheme of things, competition gives us purpose and direction.
Competition gives us something to strive for and a reason for celebrating achievements. Friends and siblings complement competition in that they can either drive it or be the support behind competition with another. Competition is healthy when friends and siblings work with us in the same competitive effort. We benefit from competing directly with our friends and siblings in that we are taught the value of our close relationships as well as the importance of putting our relationships in perspective to our goals.
