Tip one: write out the way the person treats you. If your friend handed you a list that said:

• S/he never returns my calls or texts.


• S/he makes fun of me.


• S/he tells me they love me, but then belittles me in front of other.


• S/he gets mad when I am not in the mood to do what they want to do.

What would you do? You would tell them to dump the jerk. The point is that these are just a few of the examples of jerk-like behaviors; the list can go on and on. The point is, if you write out how your significant other treats you, it can make it easier to recognize those behaviors as unacceptable. Think of an example of when you did not feel good about yourself when in their presence, and insert other people's names. Then ask yourself, what would I tell them to do? If you would counsel others to dump a jerk, you should take your own good advice.

Tip two: Don't justify to yourself or anyone else. Build your own esteem. One of the biggest challenges people dating jerks face is the damaging affect of justification. No one wants to believe that they are allowing themselves to be treated poorly, or that they picked a jerk to date. So, rather than face facts, they will justify their actions, "They were having a bad day." "They did not realize they were hurting my feelings." "That was how they were brought up, so they do it without thinking." The list of excuses and justifications is just as long as the list of jerk-like behaviors. However, justifications are never enough. If someone loves you, or cares about you, they will treat you right, no matter what kind of day they have had, or what their background is. Respect is not conditional. So, instead of justifying someone's poor behavior, work on building your esteem so that you can recognize their folly, and tell yourself that you deserve better.

Tip three: "You are a great guy, but." Identify where the problems lie in your relationships. Once you have recognized the poor behavior, and determined that you deserve better, it is time to dump the jerk. This can be just as hard as seeing the truth in your relationship. Using the, you are a great guy, but technique is a good idea. Tell them they are great, but that certain traits are unacceptable to you, and so the relationship is over.