It's not anything new, this ever changing social status in children, the revolving friends as they change their likes and dislikes, but for many children as they enter the teenage years, feeling like they fit in can be a daunting social task. There are some strategies to helping your teen deal with situations where they feel left out by a friend or group of friends:

• Facilitate friendships outside of school. Include your teen's friends for family get together, let them join a local organization such as scouts, 4-H or religious groups. This will increase the scope of your teen's friendship as well as provide them with a new activity that they love and supports.


• Talk to teachers and school counselors to discuss any circumstances you may not be aware of. Perhaps your teen is the center of a conflict with another group of teens or is the teacher's pet which has caused jealousy issues with classmates. Brainstorm with school personnel to find support and guidance for your teen. There may be other teens that are facing this same problem that could identify with your teen's feelings and needs.


• Suggest extracurricular activities such as a new skill or sport. This can take pressure away from your teen by building confidence, and being part of a team with a common goal. Multiple social circles will give your teen "insurance" to align with other trusted friends when one particular group has problems.


• Encourage your teen to spend some alone time to find herself/himself. Learning self love and appreciation makes her/him a much stronger candidate for healthy and stable friendships.


• Spend time with your teen. They may not want to go to the mall with you, but making your teen continue to feel special and appreciated at home helps boost their confidence. Plus, they may open up to you if she feels like you can be trusted and your activity could turn in to a nice discussion.


• Talk with your adult friends. As a teen they may have experienced some of these same challenges and they managed to overcome them and still maintain friendships as an adult so brainstorm and listen to their suggestions.

The good news is that fitting in is a fairly common issue for all of us, as children and adults and one that we are all familiar with in some setting. As parents we want our children to face their challenges and work their social issues out, but we need to understand too that they may not be able to fix it themselves. Be prepared to help your children cope with their challenges in a positive and meaningful way. Use open communication and listen to what your teen is telling you. A lot of times problems that seem huge to a teenager can be easily addressed and minimized by simply hearing and respecting what they are saying.

The truth is there are a million reasons why we change or keep friends as we grow from childhood to adulthood, but learning to accept and appreciate the time we spend with our friends can help us nurture new relationships in a way that will enhance the bonds between us.