The important thing is to figure out which fights are serious and which fights are just routine. A routine fight is something that has occurred in the past about something insignificant. Often these fights are attempts to get attention or to make some small change in the friendship. Major fights tend to bring a level of instability and emotional disruption far beyond anything in the ordinary. They threaten the very foundation of the friendship and make it unclear if communication will continue between friends.

It would be great to avoid the first kind of fight-the less serious one-and you can work to do so with greater patience and communication. When the second type of fight occurs you should take steps to ensure that there will be a way to get your friendship back to normal. When you get angry at a friend, or when they get really angry at you, you need to take a step back and calm down. Things said in the heat of the moment will always harm in ways that are difficult to heal. When you experience real anger or pain because of each other you should separate and spend some time alone. Go for a long walk and let your anger wind down. Think about how much you like your friend and why they might be angry. Try to see the situation from their positon-this might not change your opinion about who is right or wrong but it will help to lessen the feeling of anger.

Making up will require one friend to take the first step and ask for forgiveness. Ultimately both friends should apologize for the fight to be over, but one needs to take the first step. If your friend comes to you to apologize make sure that you are understanding. A person giving an apology is extremely vulnerable and could take tremendous offence if rejected. If you are the person apologizing you should expect that your friend might not be quite ready to forgive you. Be patient and loving and you will eventually get some resolution.

If you find that terrible fights are a normal part of your friendship you should think seriously about what is going on in general. Is there a particular issue that plagues your friendship? Sit down with your friend and discuss the dynamic that is causing a problem. If you are both sincere about keeping the friendship you will find ways to fix things. If neither of you can overcome your anger you will loose the friendship. In almost all cases the friendship is worth fighting for, but there might be some that are better forgotten. Like a really bad marriage that only produces pain, a bad friendship sometimes just needs to be ended. However, you should fight for the friendships that bring you joy with as much energy as possible.