Figuring out your communication difficulties in a friendship
Relationships are definitely one of the most complex things that human beings have to deal with. Figuring out your communication difficulties in a friendship is among those. Nobody communicates in exactly the same way, so figuring out how to do with friends can be especially tricky, and sometimes just difficult. Here are some ways to help improve your communication difficulties in a friendship.
1. Listen. Of course, it is so simple; be a good listener. Right, that's what everyone says anyway. Being a good listener; a truly good listener takes a lot of practice and awareness. Everyone needs someone to talk with and even more importantly someone who will just listen. As difficulties arise in the friendship, take a step back and ask yourself, "Am I really listening to her/ him?" Don't interrupt to give advice; don't try to tell stories that relate to yourself in the experience; and don't act like you could care less. Just listen to them, and let them know that you care. That's all it takes.
2. "Walk a mile in their shoes." Or if you can't walk in their shoes, try and see it from their point of view. When there are communication difficulties most people want to share their side of the story and feel like they are being listened to and understood. Try (as hard as it may be) to stop focusing on you for just a moment, and think about how the conflict might have affected the other party. How must your friend be feeling? Could he or she possible be feeling the same way you are feeling? Step out of yourself and think about your friend as you come across communication difficulties.
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3. "I" and "You." When two people are trying to communicated effectively with one another these two words get thrown around a lot. The one that usually gets used the most is "you." And this what it generally sounds like, "You really made me mad when." or "You always try and ..." The minute the word "you" is thrown into a conversation like this, it immediately becomes a bad three letter word. In essence you are blaming them for your behavior, or for the reaction you had to something they said. What you need to understand is that the way you reacted to your friend has nothing to do with them. You make the choice to act as you please. Instead of using the word "you" try using "I" statements to express yourself. For example, "I am feeling hurt because of something you said" or "I feel frustrated when." This way your friend will not feel like they are being attacked.
4. Responsibility. This goes along with what was previously said in number three. As you use "I" statements, you begin to take responsibility for your part of the miscommunication. If you were wrong about something, then admit it and move one. This really is the mature thing to do, and you will be surprised at the reaction of your friend. Figuring out communication difficulties in a friendship can be tough, but taking responsibility for yourself is a step in the right direction.
5. Communicate. It may sound silly, but in order to figure out where you communication difficulties are, you will need to communicate with your friend. You, nor they are not mind readers and won't be able to figure it out on your own so talk to each other. Ask them what's wrong? Talk with them.
Everyone has difficulty communicating so don't feel like you are the only one out there with problems. Figuring out your communication difficulties in a friendship may just take some extra time and effort on both parties to get things worked out.
