One way to find out what you love about your spouse is to ask them what they love about you. When they say "I love you", ask them what they love about you. When you can understand the reasons why your spouse adores you, it will be much easier to let them know what you adore about them. It can be hard for some people to accept the love of their spouse. Some individuals may feel they are un-worthy of this love and therefore they allow self-doubt to overtake their marriage. These individuals often suffer from low self-esteem and they are unable to focus on the positive aspects of their marriage. They only see the little things that they do wrong in the marriage and they are always fearful of losing their spouse.

A simple way to help your spouse love you more is to love yourself. If you have low self-esteem and you are constantly focusing on the negative aspects of your marriage, it is understandable that your spouse may feel the same things at some times. No marriage is without some degree of conflict, it is natural and expected. It is the way you deal with the conflict that will help you and your spouse focus on what is truly important and why you love one another.

If you make a list of all the things you love about your spouse, don't create a list that has the negative aspects of your spouse. It can be easy to focus on things you want to change about your spouse, but that won't get you very far. Remember that your spouse may have things they want to change about you too. Your husband or wife may not be perfect, but that is why you married them. Everyone is their own individual and they need to be their own individual even though they are one part of the marriage.

Focus on the things that your spouse does to make your life easier. Don't list down the things they do that bother or irritate you. Does your spouse help out around the house? Even the little things they do like emptying the dishwasher need to added to your list. Small things often go unnoticed in a marriage and it can be frustrating to focus on what your spouse really does for you if you can only see the things that they don't do.

Couples often tell each other that they love one another, but they don't sit back and look at what they are saying. If saying "I love you" has become a routine, you need to define what that phrase means for your marriage. If you understand how to love your spouse, you need to say "I love you" with meaning, not as a routine. People struggling in their marriage may not be able to say "I love you" without feeling some sort of twinge in their stomach. When a marriage is in that state, it is important to seek the advice of a professional marriage counselor that can help them define love and work on re-establishing their marriage.

Understanding how to love your spouse comes down to your actions toward them. Do you often find yourself giving up or telling your spouse to do things in the marriage? When a husband or wife stops caring about their spouse, they stop doing things for them. They no longer feel a need to treat them how they want to be treated. They stop looking for ways to make them happy and feel loved. Failure to care about your spouse can hinder a relationship and it will ultimately destroy the marriage if it goes un-fixed.

One of the easiest ways to focus on what you love about your spouse is to sit back and watch them. If you have children, watch how your spouse interacts with them. The greatest gift parents can give their children is to love them and to love their spouse. Giving love is one of the best ways to build a successful marriage. Often people focus on their own needs and their desires. They become selfish and only see the things they are contributing to the marriage and they overlook all of the things their spouse does to contribute. If you can only focus on your own selfish desires, you are draining the life out of your marriage. A marriage needs to have equality. Resentment and anger begin to develop when one person thinks they are the only one contributing to the marriage. When that person stops working on the marriage, the marriage can quickly crumble. If you feel that your marriage is one-sided, talk to your spouse about it. Ask for their help, they may not even know anything is wrong.

Marriage takes sacrifice and dedication. You need to give your best to the marriage if you expect to stay with your spouse for the rest of your life. Your spouse has also made sacrifices for you as well. Create a list of all the things he or she has given up throughout your relationship. This list will include things like: moving for a job, weekly poker nights, girl's nights, and other things they have given up in order to be with you. If you look at all the things you have given up, you may feel you have sacrificed more than your spouse. Looking at this type of list is selfishness and you cannot expect to fully love your spouse without sacrificing something.

Another way to focus on what you love about your spouse is to serve them. Do things that will help make their life easier. Try giving them a massage when they return home from a long day of work. Make them dinner, do the dishes, fold the laundry, wash the cars, or do something that will help them. When you serve your spouse, it will inspire them to treat you better and do something for you in return. Put your spouse's needs before some of your own selfish needs. Do things to show them of your appreciation and need for them in your life. Start noticing the ways your spouse serves you. Do they help you with small things like making the bed, feeding the children, buying chips for the football game? Look at all the little things your spouse does to serve you. Service in a marriage inspires both spouses to avoid becoming selfish.

Love in a marriage is voluntary, no one should be forced to love their spouse. They should never feel obligated to love their spouse. True love in a marriage is freely given and earned with trust and respect for one another. You should choose to love your spouse and your spouse should choose to love you. In order to keep the love strong in your marriage, you need to work on it all the time. You should not manipulate or control your spouse. If you feel your spouse is doing this to you, talk to them or go to marriage counseling together. Nagging, pressuring, controlling, and manipulating do not have a place in good marriage. All of these behaviors can destroy your relationship with your spouse and they destroy the ability to freely love your spouse.

Think about your life before you met your spouse. Were you as happy back then as you are with your spouse? A marriage is built upon the understanding that two people are in love and are one another's best friend. Your spouse is your best friend, which is why you married them. Look over the years you have spent with this person and list all of the remarkable things they have taught you. Thank your spouse each day for the person that they are and the things they have done to help you.