Sometimes the reason divorced parents without custody have a hard time maintaining relationships with their children is because of physical distance. If you no longer live in close proximity to your child it can be hard to stay as involved in their life because you are not there. However, this is not a good excuse to let the relationship dwindle. In fact, it is a very poor excuse. Your children will want to know that you love them, and care, even if you are not in the same state, town, etc. to show them. The fact is that with the technology today there is no excuse why you can't at the very least stay in great contact, and hopefully even develop stronger relationships with them. Text, email, phone, web-chat, instant messaging, Facebook walls, all of these are ways you can stay involved in your child's life without actually being physically near them.

Another big problem parents face is resentment and fear from their children after a divorce, especially if they do not get custody. Children can be frightened by the strong emotions that often come from parental breakups, and they may misunderstand the reasons, or mistrust you because of things they have over heard or assumed. In order to form a relationship with them you cannot try to force them to feel differently, rather you have to give them time to understand and come to grips with the situation, and you have to be there to show you love them, and are worthy of their trust. You also have to be extremely careful not to berate or belittle your ex in front of your children, as this can often be damaging to your relationship with your child. You also cannot allow your child to manipulate you, or play you against your ex, as this does not make strong relationships, rather weakens them.

Studies support the importance of children generally having both parents in their lives. This helps their self-esteem, wellbeing and their success in life as they get the benefit of both parents' strengths and experience. If you want to form relationships with your child, even if you do not have custody, or full custody, you have to be there for them more often then every other weekend, or an occasional holiday. Ask them what they are doing. Go to their important activities even if it interferes with your work, social life, etc. You have to be in your child's life as much as possible in order to form a relationship with them. If you no longer live with them, you have to make up for that loss by making the time you are with them as high quality as possible.

Another road block to forming great children relationships is the new dynamic of parenting them on your own, and possibly even having slightly different rules or expectations of them as you did together with you ex. The best thing you can do is talk to your ex, and still do your best to present a united parenting front. If your ex does not let your teen daughter wear a bikini to the public pool, you shouldn't either. Consistency is a big part of forming relationships.

When you spend time with your kids, make it enjoyable for them. This does not mean make every time you are with them a trip to Disney land, but it does mean that you have to make them feel important by selecting activities that reflect your knowledge of their likes, dislikes, and interests.

If you can't physically be there, make sure you are at least in contact. Do not call without something to say, as this can lead to long dead silences on the phone, and awkwardness in the relationship. Instead, make sure you have things of interest to ask them about or share with them.

If you want to form relationships with your children when you do not have custody, do your best to make sure they know you love them, are interested in them, their interests, and their life, and that they are still a priority in your life, even if they don't live with you.