What is competition in friendship?
Competition in friendship is feeling like you need to compete with and one-up your friends, rather than be happy for them and the things they have accomplished or succeeded with. For example, let's say you have worked hard to train for and complete a 5k race. Once you finish the race, you tell a friend of yours about it. Instead of congratulating you, she immediately begins talking about the half marathon she ran last summer. Or, let's say your boyfriend sent flowers to your office for your birthday, and your friend you work with feels the need to tell you about the trip to Hawaii her husband surprised her with for her birthday.

Competitive reactions like this do not show that your friends are happy for the things you have or have worked for. Instead, they show envy and self-centeredness, not good traits for a good friendship.

What causes competition in friendships?
Competition in friendships is caused by a couple of things:

• Self-centeredness. A self-centered person does not like it when the limelight is on someone else. They feel like they are the only ones who deserve to succeed or have good things happen; if they happen to someone else, the self-centered person feels the need to be competitive and one-up their friend by overshadowing their friend's good fortune or accomplishments with one that is better, more expensive, or harder to achieve. A self-centered person wants to be the center of attention always, and when she is not, the competitive side comes out.


• Insecurity. People who are insecure have a hard time feeling happy for their friends. They feel that their friend's successes or good fortunes reflect badly on them, or they think it makes them look insignificant in comparison. People who are insecure are constantly comparing themselves to their friends and others around them and feel competitive if they think someone is prettier, smarter, more successful, or happier than they are.

What to do if your friendship is a competition
If you think you have a friendship that is a competition, or if you are the competitive one in your friendship, the following advice will help to save your friendship:

• Talk to your friend. Perhaps your friend doesn't know how competitive she is or that it is affecting your friendship. Mention it politely. Say something like, "I'm not trying to come across like I'm bragging, but it's hard to share good news when you always try and one-up me or turn the moment to yourself."
• Take a look inside. If you are the competitive one, work on your own confidence and security so you don't need to be jealous of everyone else. There will always be someone smarter, prettier, more successful, and richer than you. Trying to compete with everyone is a no-win situation.

Friendship is not a competition, but when it turns into one, we lose out on the great joys of having close friends. These tips will help you better understand competition in friendship and how to avoid it.