Sometimes all they do is yell, and sometimes you don't even know why. If you are trying to reason with them or make a compromise and they are screaming, give them a chance to cool down. Let them know that you would be happy to talk to them when they have calmed down. Explain that nothing will be decided while they are still yelling.

You may never been seen as a "cool" parent, but you can be seen as a reasonable one. Make sure that they are given choices so that they are running their own lives. This means finding two or more options for the situation that you as a parent are ok with and letting them pick from them. But it is imperative that you can live with whatever choice they make, never give them the option of something you don't want.

Let them know that you are there for them to talk too. They may only take advantage after bad decisions or mistakes, but that is ok. If they know they can talk to you they will be able to come to more frequently as they mature. Sometimes they may just want to vent, if that is the case then don't give opinions or advice, simply be a set of ears.

Make sure that you establish a mutual trust. They know that you trust them, and they in turn trust you. Trusting you mean that they know they can talk to you, or it may mean that they know you aren't out to get them. You trusting them means that you tell them what they can do and what is against the rules and you trust that they will obey. Until they give you are reason not to have your trust, give it to them.

Your teenager will change a lot over the course of a few years, some changes you will like and others you won't. But don't be quick to judge them. Let them express individuality or let them follow every trend. They will decide who they are eventually. But it will push them away to pass judgment on them and their ideas.

Let them know that you care. Make sure you are asking how their day was or if anything interesting happened at school. You may get an awful lot of one word answers, but someday something cool will happen at school or something funny will happen and they will share. Never give up on caring about their lives. There is a fine line there, make sure that you care but make sure that you aren't prying. They may not want to tell you what their best friend's ex's new lover did today at school.

If you aren't making any headway with your ornery teenager, don't give up. Work on making you a better person and they may start to warm up. You may find parenting books or just self betterment books that help you become more approachable to your kid. But these are only if you want, they won't work if your heart isn't in it.

Remember not to take everything personally. You teenager will say a lot of mean things, and you may feel like they only talk like that to you. Don't worry, it will pass and they will say they love you again. Just brush it off and keep reminding them that you love them.