Getting rid of jealousy
It is natural for us to protect and defend the things that we love. When you find yourself lucky enough to be in a healthy relationship, it is natural to fight for it and to have a desire to make it work. However these feelings that can lead us to work hard on a relationship can also hurt us and cause us to become overly jealous and to ruin a good relationship. You need to learn how to manage your feelings of jealousy if you want your relationship to work.
What is jealously exactly? It is fear and insecurity combined into one monster. They can cause a person to lose control over their emotions and may cause them to act irrationally. Lack of self esteem is a big precursor to jealously and just about every psychiatrist will work on helping you to have self worth and confidence if you do have feelings of jealously. Another big reason why you may have these feelings is because you have been hurt or betrayed in the past by a former friend or lover and it causes these irrational fears to come up. So once you identify the problem, how do you learn to manage jealously and to permanently get rid of it?
The one good thing to note about jealously is that it does give you a desire to make your relationship work. You obviously care for this person and you want to be with them. The trick is knowing what the difference is between good jealously and bad jealously. Jealously should show your partner that you care for them but that you do trust them if they are headed out without you. When you let jealously cause fights and ruin the trust you have worked hard to build, it can ruin your good relationship in no time.
Part of managing jealously also comes down to being positive. Do not have fear that your spouse is going to cheat on you and trust them. Remember that they haven't done anything to hurt you and they haven't broken your trust. When you are positive and you learn to trust, feelings of jealously will be unable to emerge. Convey your feelings to your partner in a positive manner so perhaps they can do some things that will reassure you and let you know that they love you and they are not planning to hurt you.
Have confidence in yourself and build up your self esteem. Remember that your spouse chose you and no one else. They love you and want to be with you. If you are fearful that they will leave you all the time and you let jealously drive you mad, it will hurt the relationship. You have to be positive and have self esteem that shows your partner that you trust them and you know that they love you.
Confront the problem head-on. Your partner may not know that they are causing these feelings to emerge within you because you aren't telling them. You need to let them know that when they talk to their ex on the phone that it does bother you. They should also let you know what things you do that cause feelings of jealousy to occur as well so you can change your behaviors as well.
Get into therapy and make a sincere effort to fix the problems in the relationship. You need someone to talk to and a person that will be able to help you build up your self-esteem and regain respect for yourself. As you have confidence in yourself, jealously will be something that is far from your mind.