Money is often a symbol of emotional needs, such as security or power. Your feelings about money are often personal, and you may not even realize how those feelings affect your value system. One thing to keep in mind is, if you learn to balance security and pleasure, two things money can help you buy, you will find that your marriage will be much happier because you won't run into the problems, or at least as many of the problems, caused by differences of opinion on money related issues.

• Tip one for a having a happy marriage despite a financial difficulty is to express concerns, needs, fantasies, etc. that your money management must address.
• Tip two for having a happy marriage despite a financial difficulty is to have a budget that meets the concerns and needs, etc. expressed in tip one.
• Tip three for having a happy marriage despite a financial difficulty is to plan for the future, and get on the same page about future financial decisions.

Now that we have these three tips, let's look at each of them more closely.

Express concerns, needs, etc.

We have money for two reasons, one to provide security (i.e. a home, a car, food, etc.) and two is to provide pleasure (a flat screen television, movies, dinners out, etc.). In order to be happy when money is tight, it is important for you, as a couple, to take time to discuss the ways you want to spend your money. Basically, you and your spouse, should each individually write down all of the essential things you intend to spend your money on. These are things that are essential to you and your happiness. This means that if you find it necessary to go out to eat at least once a month, that you are going to include that on your essentials list. If you need at least one vacation a year, include it. Most essentials lists will include the obvious like food, utilities, housing, etc. However, it is important to be specific. If a large house, or gourmet food is intended, specify it.

You want to do this individually because that way neither one of you are going to be forgoing or leaving off something that you really do feel is a need. Create three columns: essentials, wants, and fantasies. For example: If a vacation is essential to you, put it in the essential column. If you want it to be to somewhere tropical, put it into that column, and if you dream of a week in Fiji, then put that there. Once you have both completed your lists, then it is time to compare, and compromise. You will find that there are sometimes big differences in how you view the ways your money should be spent. Cable television for example might be absolutely essential to one spouse, and a non-issue to the other. Look for commonalities, and put them on your master list, then discuss the differences, and create a plan that allows both of you to meet your "essential" needs, without putting you into a financial strain or bind. Make sure you re-evaluate this every few months to ensure one spouse is not giving up their desires to fulfill the other person's and that both people have their needs met.

Budget

Creating a budget is easy to do, sticking to it is difficult. So, the best thing you can do for yourself is take your essentials list and write down every expense you can. This means anything you consider essential for your well-being and happiness should be written down with the cost next to it. Now look at your income, and see how it matches up. If your "essentials" for happiness exceed your income, then to find happiness in marriage, you need to change your definition of what is "essential" to you, or find a way to earn more money.

Once you have your essentials outlined, and your income defined as clearly as possible, it is time to create a way to meet your needs based on your means. This is going to be your budget. In your budget you should have a plan for paying bills, and for the extras, as well as things like savings, and future planning.

When creating your budget it is wise to make sure you include information such as when bills are due, and who is going to be responsible for seeing that they are paid. Determining who will write the checks out and send them, or pay the bills online, or whatever your method, will eliminate conflict over missed payments, etc. Generally, while it is good to both be involved in the financial decisions, it is best for one spouse to be in charge of sending in the set payments, and balancing the checkbook each month. This eliminates confusion, but all information should be shared.

Long term goals

While you may be handling your day to day finances without issue, often times conflict arises over different ideas for future financial issues. For example, paying for your child's school tuition, retirement planning, caring for elderly parents, vacation homes, job changes, and similar things can cause tension in your marriage if not addressed. It would be wise to sit down as a couple and discuss each of these things so that you are on the same page. For example, you may plan to purchase a new car for your child on their sixteenth birthday, and your spouse may feel like that is over indulgent. You should figure those things out together before they are an issue.

Once again, create lists of what you want to do in the future, and then come together. If you both want to help finance your children's education, then you can work out a plan to do so. If you both want to make sure you have enough funds to retire lavishly on, then work out a plan to see that it happens. Make sure as you make your long term financial goals that you keep in mind what you desire most, and what you fear most. For example, maybe you fear retiring with little to no savings, and living your old age out in poverty. Maybe your fondest desire is to travel after you retire. List those things so that as a couple you can discuss ways to make sure your desires are met and fears are avoided.

Summary

The truth is, every couple is going to face different challenges when it comes to money. Financial difficulty is no excuse for an unhappy marriage. In fact, being in a tight financial situation may actually benefit your marriage because it may force you to work closely together to ensure you make ends meet. When it comes to money, it is up to you whether or not you are going to let it be a source of conflict in your marriage. As long as you make financial decisions together, taking into account both sides needs, wants, desires, and fears, you will find that at the end of the day, even if there is no money left after the bills are paid, you are happy.

Compromise and finding solutions that fit both parties needs is the best way to have a happy marriage despite financial problems. Let's take a look at an example: She feels that wearing expensive clothing is essential because it helps her feel confident, and helps her to fit in at her work place. He feels that a gym membership is important because it helps him stay fit, and confident, and gives him a way to get out and socialize each day. He thinks her clothes are a waste of hard earned money, She thinks he could exercise at home, or outside, and not pay the expensive membership fee each month. Money is tight, and thus their difference in opinion is causing strain on their marriage. What is a plausible solution? For both of them, the expenditure helps them feel good about themselves, and thus both have valid reasons for spending the money. A good compromise would be that they both get to open a savings account, and after bills are paid, and needs are met, they can split the difference, and spend that money how they see fit.

As you can see, having a happy marriage does not require you to stop buying this, or stop spending money on that, but to make money management decisions together and meet your financial obligations (debts, bills, etc.) first, and your wants second.