Starting from the beginning when you first become aware of a friend's problems is the most important thing any friend can do. People underestimate the power of just listening without interrupting. Showing your friend that you've heard what they have said by acknowledging their thoughts and perspective can go a long way to supporting a friend in need. Many problems can be solved by being a supportive ear and understanding your friend, even when it may be a difficult situation for you to deal with.

Sometimes the help and support you give to a friend may not be enough to solve their problems. No matter how much listening you do or caring you give, the person still feels depressed or does hurtful things to you and themselves. At times, helping a friend can take too much from you personally, whether time or emotionally, your energy levels may be considerably compromised and your ability to stay focused on the problem at hand while still caring for yourself may be too much. There are some problems and some situations when you should look beyond what you alone are capable of, in order to be of most help to your friend. This article is meant to help you with not only ways to help a friend with a problem, but also to recognize when a friend's problem may require more than what you can handle on your own.

One thing to consider when looking at a problem is whether the help you give to your friend can results in a positive change in the situation for them. Some problems like depression, low self esteem, eating disorders, or substance abuse problems won't change from friendship support alone. You may over extend yourself and own emotional stability by trying to take on these serious issues yourself. You may start to feel overwhelmed or out of control yourself because you feel helpless when nothing you say or do makes a difference in your friend's situation. This may be a clear sign that what your friend is up against requires more than friendship alone.

Being able to identify the signs associated with a friend in distress may help you address the issue and face it before it gets out of hand. If you find that your friend is:

• Avoiding friends, activities, school or other social events


• cannot focus on anything other than the problem


• has angry or sad outbursts


• is unable to sleep or always feels exhausted


• has changed his or her eating habits


• is becoming withdrawn or has a severe change in their behavior


• or is using alcohol or drugs to control behaviors

You may want to involve school personnel, outside counseling, other friends and family members. Many times an objective party can see through the emotional issues to the heart of the problem and can then begin finding a new process in which to help your friend face, accept and change what they dislike so much.

Threats or talking about killing themselves, giving away prized possessions, making a will, preparing for death or acting like there is no hope and no one cares are serious signs of suicide and you should contact professional help immediately.

A close, honest and open friendship is one of the most powerful tools for overcoming personal problems that we have in our lives. Using this supportive power towards seeing your friends through challenges is a way to increase the bond you have with each other and show that you really do care about the person and their well-being. Just remember that when you become overwhelmed with the task at hand, it is sometimes best to bring in additional support for the safety of your friend and yourself.