Helping your children not to fight

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When there is more than one child in the house, fighting is often inevitable. Siblings will get in squabbles with each other for a number of reasons, whether for attention from a parent, frustration with a situation, or just a conflict in personality.

While you probably won't be able to stop your kids from fighting forever, you can help your children to not fight in a variety of ways. The following are some ways to stop fighting in kids before it begins:

Set a good example.
Kids will often mirror what they see. If you are constantly fighting with your spouse or your children yourself, they will be more likely to pick up that behavior. However, if they see you handle disagreements without yelling and screaming and throwing things, they will be less likely to fight themselves.

Even when you intervene with their fighting, keep calm and under control and avoid yelling at them. This not only sets a better example, but it helps to diffuse the situation.

Ignore it.
Sometimes, especially with larger families, fighting is a way to get attention from children. If you ignore their fighting or tell them to work it out themselves, they are less likely to fight as it won't get the desired results. However, never ignore them if they are physically hurting each other-if your 3-year-old is going after your 5-year-old with a bat, for example, then you should obviously intervene.

Avoid taking sides.
Instead of trying to determine who the instigator is and who is the victim, don't take sides. Let your kids know that when it comes to fighting, it takes two to tango. Taking sides also encourages tattling in children.

Don't put them in situations where they will fight.
You probably know the type of situations that tends to spark arguments in your children. Stop these arguments before they start by having a solution beforehand or avoiding them altogether. For example, if both of your children want to play a video game, set a timer-when that timer goes off, it's the other child's turn. Or, if you know they tend to fight when they're tired, get them to bed on time to avoid a fight.

Notice them when they are getting along.
Positive reinforcement goes a long way with children, so make sure you notice and praise them when they are getting along. For example, point out when they're getting along and tell them you appreciate it. Or, if one child shares a toy with another, praise him for his sharing.

Create an atmosphere of calm.
A chaotic household that is always in a state of unrest will spill over in the moods of your children, making them cranky and uneasy and more prone to arguments. Keep your kids on a schedule or routine as much as possible, and avoid yelling at them or your spouse, which will only encourage them to take their own frustrations out on each other.

Offer alternatives
Show kids alternative ways in which they can handle arguments, such as what else they can do if their sibling hits them or takes something of theirs besides lashing out or starting a fight.

Sibling fights are bound to happen, but the above tips will help you to reduce the amount of fighting in your home.


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