Helping your daughter through a tough breakup
A pillow soaked with tears surrounded by shredded pieces of once treasured pictures is usually a bad sign. It usually means that your daughter has just had a bad breakup. What advice can people give to their daughters to help them through a tough breakup?
The first thing a parent probably wants to say is "he was not good enough for you anyway." Although that is probably true, that's not what she's going to want to hear.
First and foremost, girls need someone's shoulder to cry on. If it's not her Mom's or Dad's, she will find a friend's. It would be a lot better to have her cry on her Mom's or Dad's. This will strengthen the parent-child bond and will help develop trust.
Reassurance is another important part of helping a daughter through a tough breakup. She needs to know that she is loved. It is very important that both her Mom and her Dad tell her that she is beautiful, talented, and so important. Dads are the role model for men in a girl's life. She needs to know how men should treat her by seeing how her Dad treats her. That's why his reassurance of her worth is as important as her Mother's reassurance.
Listening is another key part of helping a daughter through a breakup. Listening is really the key to everything isn't it? But that's how people communicate and work things out together. Listening is how people know that they matter and that their feelings are important. It is how people get through tough problems. So listening to a brokenhearted daughter is essential.
The next step is to try to help her fill the void. She will probably have some withdrawal issues. She has probably spent hours and hours on the phone with this boy not to mention thought about him and been with him 24/7. She's going to notice a big fat hole in her life and she'll need help filling it.
This could be a good time to try to bond a little more. She may be more willing to go to the movies, shopping, or out to lunch with her parents. Take advantage of the situations while it's possible! Help her find a new hobby or a new talent. Boosting her self esteem by learning something new will help her heal from the breakup.
Post-breakup may be a good time to help a daughter analyze a relationship. Talk to her about the boy she was dating. What did she like about him? What didn't she like about him? What does she want to look for in another person? Help teach her what type of a person will help her to be the happiest.
Finding a good man for a potential husband doesn't come naturally. We all want the best for our daughters, so why not teach them how to find someone who will help them be happy?
Finally, encourage her to give it time. Teenagers have a hard time letting go, especially with their first breakup. Remind them to give it time, and the pain and hurt will eventually heal.
Encourage her not to jump right into a new relationship to make it feel better. This will only compound her problems. She needs some time to reevaluate herself and remember who she is without a partner. Teens are still discovering themselves. If a daughter is constantly dating someone, she won't be finding out who she is by herself and she will always need someone else to help her through life. Teens need to learn how to stand on their own before they can be in a really healthy long-lasting relationship. So help a daughter through a tough breakup by giving lots of time for her to heal.