How to Apologize to Your Spouse

When people are married, it does not mean they never fight, in fact, sometimes it is the opposite because we are not as careful or kind to those we are closest with. However, with fights come make ups. If you find yourself saying, "Oops" read on. This time it's really you at fault and you have to apologize, but how on earth do you do it? Here are four ways to apologize to your spouse.

  1. Send a card. Make sure it's thoughtfully written and mean it. If you can add a little humor in to lighten the situation, without making light of your error, all the better. The nice thing about putting it in writing is that your spouse can read and re-read your words giving them time to feel better about your apology. Be careful what you write, once they're said they're out there and can't be taken back, especially after they're put down on paper, but be sincere and caring. Appeal to their love of you, remind them that you love them, better yet, tell them several reasons why you love them. Good reasons why you love them, not "because your hair is pretty" reasons.
  2. Send a thoughtful gift to your spouse in apology. OK, that sounds trite, but concentrate on the thoughtful part. Sending flowers may be the standard worn-out method, but if you never typically send flowers it will be a nice surprise. If flowers don't work, think of something inexpensive that shows you pay attention to your spouse's likes and dislikes. Maybe it's their favorite candy bar, a new CD by an artist they like, the latest book by an author they like; just make it something that really shows you know them as an individual. Maybe you send them some time. How do you do that? Send them movie tickets or game tickets and a note that you've already arranged for their good friend so-and-so to go with them and you'll watch the kids and here's a gift certificate card to somewhere they like to eat. You're not getting a gift for the sake of a material possession, we're not talking diamonds or new cars, you're getting a gift that says you care and really want to make them feel better.
  3. Do something nice for them. Once again, if you truly want to apologize to your spouse, you need to show that you really know them and care about how they feel. If your spouse hates cleaning toilets, well, you know what to do. If your spouse hates it when the car is dirty but doesn't have time to do anything about it, get out there with the wet wipes, Windex, and vacuum cleaner. Load the dishwasher, pick up the dry-cleaning, take the kids out so that your spouse can have some alone time. Maybe order pizza or Chinese, fill the bath w/scented soap or turn on the game as soon as the food arrives, and then rush the kids out the door. Do something for them that shows you love them.
  4. Here it is, the biggie, you have to say it. Not only to you have to say it, but say it and mean it and say it without any disclaimers or add-ons. That means you just plain apologize to your spouse, no little add-ons like ".except that you do that too" or "I'm sorry for my part of the argument." and so on. Just say it, say it straight, and really, truly mean it.

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