How to break the divorce cycle
It is possible, you can break the divorce cycle within your own family or within your spouse's family. If you come from a family with a history of divorces, studies and research have shown that it is more likely that your own marriage will end in a divorce. Children who grow up in families affected by divorce learn patterns of behavior and how to act in relationships based on how their parents behave and how their parents approached relationships. This means that these children learn behaviors that will help lead to divorce-abuse, selfishness, an inability to communicate, an inability to listen, etc. It might seem like your case is hopeless, if your parents, your grandparents, your great grandparents even, and your siblings' own marriages all ended in divorce. However, with some work and self awareness, and also an understanding of your own family, you can break the divorce cycle (or help your spouse break the divorce cycle) and you can have a successful marriage and a happy family.
Divorce can be a generational curse. However, even if your parents were divorced or you yourself are divorced, you can help break the cycle of divorce for your own marriage or for your children. If you have gone through a divorce, through love and careful nurturing, along with careful teaching about how to have successful relationships, you can help your children learn to form healthy relationships that will lead them to healthy marriages.
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So how can you end the divorce cycle in your own marriage? First of all, confront your past. Think about your own childhood, your parents, your grandparents. Don't be afraid to confront what has happened with them and to you. Think about how your parents acted towards each other, and pinpoint specific behaviors that led to problems in their marriage, or in your own past relationships. This next step will be difficult, but once you see behaviors that led to past divorce, you need to pinpoint those behaviors in yourself. Think about how your father treated your mother. Did he treat her like a person and an individual with her own needs, or was there a lack of appreciation? As a male or a female, has that affected the way that you view women and the way that you understand yourself? How does that understanding play out in the way that you approach relationships? How about your mother? Was there anything in her behavior that led to problems in the marriage, such as an inability to forgive or to communicate? Do you see the same traits in yourself? This understanding of your past and of yourself will take a long time. Don't shy away from it, as painful as it might be. You might want to enlist the aid of a counselor. Discuss these issues with your significant other or spouse. Ask them what they see in your parents and what they think. The point of view of someone outside the situation can really help you clarify what's going on in your own relationships.
Some other things that you can do within your relationship will help you avoid the problems that generally lead to divorce and broken marriages. These steps include focusing on the needs of your spouse. Listen to them, honestly, without any thought of what's in it for you or how what they want affects you. Think of them as their own person with their own needs. Be willing to forgive. Forgiveness requires that you are willing to suspend your own pride and your defensiveness, so that you don't become easily offended. Realize that not everything is about you-think honestly about why your spouse or your children do specific things, and try to understand them. Learn how to make good choices in which you analyze the consequences of your decisions and how they will affect you and others. More than anything, be willing to work on your communication with your spouse. Be humble when your spouse talks to you about issues in your relationship, needs that he or she has, or traits in your own behavior that are causing problems.
