How to bridge gaps and mend broken friendships in families
We all know that no family is perfect. Most families-if not all families-are far from it. It can be difficult to bridge gaps and to mend broken friendships within your family, especially since there are probably long-held and deep-seated hurts in your family. However, you can bridge those gaps in your family. While there are many gaps in families and many problems, one of the biggest issues is parents and children-no matter how old the children are-getting along. As an adult childer, or as a teenager, there are a number of things that you can do to mend the broken relationship that you may have with your parents.
No matter how old you are, it can be difficult and seemingly impossible to deal with conflict with a parent. No matter who you are and who your parent is, it is going to be basically impossible for you to avoid ever having a conflict with your parent at any time in your life. But by understanding why you are experiencing conflict, and learning how to respect the other person and to set boundaries and communicate effectively, you can positively and effectively deal with conflicts with a parent.
Some conflict is inherent in your relationship with your parent, particularly when you are a teen. However, it is also difficult to navigate relationships with your parents when you are an adult, as your roles in the parent-child relationship begin to shift and change and you have to renegotiate different responsibilities and the way that you relate to each other. But there are tools that you can use to manage constructively your conflicts with your parents, no matter how old you are.
|
|
If conflicts between parents and their children are not managed well and constructively, then the conflicts can end up completely dividing a family. Relationships will degrade and begin to disintegrate. A number of different problems will ensue, whether they are obvious or more subtle resentment. For example, take the teenage years. The teenage years are hard for both the child and for the parent because the teenager is no longer a little kid, but still isn't an adult. Also, a lot of the time teens want freedom, but aren't entirely willing or able to take on the responsibility that comes with being an adult. Teens tend to want their own rules, but parents tend to want the teens to follow family rules. Parents have a difficult time trusting the teens and also letting go of them and acknowledging that they are growing older.
It is important in any conflict with your parents that both of you acknowledge the emotions that are at play in any conflict. Because both parents and children care bout each other, emotions are particularly high in any familial conflict. It's important to acknowledge that these emotions are present, and not to pretend that either you or your parent is being absolutely and completely rational, and thus undeniably right.
When dealing with conflicts with your parents, it's also important to acknowledge what you have in common. For example, both teens and parents have to deal with frustration with the situation, financial stress, fear of failure, disappointment, general fear, stress, the pressure of time, and busy schedules. If one party can't admit that the other party is dealing with the same issues, then one individual will begin to see himself or herself as a martyr who has it so much harder than the other person. It's important to realize that there is a base that you both share, and to respect that base.
It's also important, when dealing with a conflict with a parent, to try to keep communication open. As communication begins to break down, the emotional tension will increase at the same time. This increase in emotions will make communication even more difficult and it will be even harder to deal. It's important to keep those lines of communication open and to strive for communication, no matter how much it hurts your pride.
Anything that can help to create common understanding between you and your parent will help you deal with managing conflict between you. If you know that you are being understood and that your parent is striving to understand you and to respect you, then you will be more willing to work through a conflict. The same thing works the other direction. As you both try to understand a situation from the other perspective, then you will both feel empathy and sympathy for each other, and you will work to find a solution that will be beneficial for both of you.
