How to change yourself to make a relationship work
In relationships compromises have to be made. You have to make changes in yourself, and not expect changes in your partner to make a relationship work. The following will help you learn how to change yourself to make a relationship work:
First let's pretend you are therapist and you council couples. Imagine a couple having a troubled relationship. Imagine they both tell their story to you separately. They each tell you a tell about how frustrated they are with their partner, and how despite everything they do their relationship is not progressing. They both accuse the other of not allowing the relationship to grow, and place blame for problems on the other person in their relationship. Both sides of the story will sound very convincing. However, as a therapist, and as a person you know that both parties cannot be right in their blame. You will know that the truth will lie somewhere in between. Both parties probably need to make some changes.
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Ok, the reason we say to pretend to be the therapist is that when you act as an observer and listen and think without any emotional input you can learn more. So, now you can take what you learn from their relationship and apply it to your own. When the same basic problem arises in your own relationship, you instantly become one-sided. So, instead of only looking at the situation from your perspective and giving no notice to what your partner may be thinking, act like a third party observer and determine what changes need to be made. Usually there are some of your own to make. If you look at a problem only from your own perspective, it makes it difficult for you to understand the real cause of the problem and its cure.
So, how can you change yourself to make a relationship work, first you have to realize that you may also be at fault. You have to be willing to do self-introspection. When you do this, you are highly likely to figure out some of your core problems can be resolved by making changes in yourself. So, first and foremost, change yourself.
When you make a change in yourself to make a relationship work, you will want to do your best to keep your emotions and hurts aside and think neutrally. Without doing this you only skim the surface of the problem and change only minor things instead of the things that will help your relationship.
If you want your relationship to survive and thrive, self-introspection and analysis is necessary. As soon as you do this you will see what changes you need to make, and the best way to go about changing them.
For example, if you self introspect and determine that you need to be less critical for you to make your relationship work, there may be changes your partner needs to make, such as the things you are critical about, but by biting your tongue you instantly improve your relationship.
So, look at your own actions, try to act neutral, and you will be able to determine what changes you need to make to make your relationship work, and the best way for you to do it, whether that is biting your tongue, saying thank you, or pitching in more around the house, you can make these changes.
