First, write it out. If you take the time to write out the frustration, it allows you to see it more clearly. A lot of times emotion is what is fueling the frustration, and when you get down to it, you see that your frustration does not make a whole lot of sense. If you write it out in points, it allows you to calmly discuss each point without getting off topics, and without emotion taking over.

Second, wait until you are not emotional about the problem. If the thing that frustrates you just occurred, now is not the time to communicate it. Why? Because once again, logic and rational thought get lost in emotion. So, wait until you are more removed from the situation so you can discuss it without the flare ups and compounding property of emotion.

Third, show respect. If you respect the person you are taking to, and allow them to respect you as well, it is far easier to communicate frustrations without getting frustrated. A lot of times frustrations flare up because we feel like they are not trying to understand us, or do not care that something they do has become frustrating. So, listen, and ask that they do so in return.

Let's now look at an example: Rachael and Josie are friends. Both have three children. Both are very social. Rachael likes to get out of the house, and often calls Josie to see if she would like to join her in this or that activity. Josie, enjoys getting out, but is also fairly strict about her kid's schedule, which limits her ability to socialize. For several weeks each time Rachael called Josie to do something, Josie told her she couldn't, but to "call again." Rachael kept calling, and Josie kept turning her down. Finally one day, Josie called Rachael to do something, and Rachael already had tentative plans with another mutual friend. Josie asked that when they figured out what they were doing to call her because she wanted to go to. So, Rachael made the calls and set the plans, then called Josie to let her know what the plan was, and once again Josie decided not to join in. Frustrated Rachael said, "Why did you tell me to call you, if you knew you couldn't go?" and Josie defended herself by saying she felt like she had invited herself so she made other plans. To Rachael it was frustrating because Josie always wants a call, but never comes, so it feels like a waste of time and energy to ask her, and gives her false expectations. Josie on the other hand feels frustrated that Rachael does not respect that she can't always drop everything to hang out.

Both have valid points, and both have a frustration. However, if they discuss it when frustrated, the only thing that will result is a dissolution of the friendship. If on the other hand they wait and discuss it rationally, they can work it out and get to hang out and still be friends. Josie can accept that she is rarely available and thus will call Rachael when she is, rather than always have Rachael call her. And Rachael will accept that Josie wants to feel included even if she has no intention of joining in, and can make an effort to ensure she knows that everyone wants her there.