How to create relationships with the spouses of your siblings
There is perhaps no more dynamic and ever-changing organization than the family. As children grow and leave home they marry and bring in new members of the family. This is often a time of transition for everyone in the family and perhaps most of all for siblings within a family structure. Accepting a new member of the family requires some give and take on everyone's part. This is especially true for siblings who are trying to welcome in the spouse of their brother or sister. While it may be a time of transition it can be a time of joy as you get to know a new family member. Here are some suggestions on how to create relationships with the spouses of your siblings.
- Understand that your new in-law will be different from you and your family. The most important thing when beginning a relationship with a potential in-law is to understand that this person comes from a different background. They will have different traditions, perceptions and perhaps even beliefs and values. This new person in your family will be used to doing things a certain way and will have been raised a certain way. These differences can be quite dramatic even when the sibling's spouse comes from nearby yet factoring in today's worldwide accessibility and you may be meeting your brother's wife from another state or your sister's husband could even be from another country! By accepting that your in-law will have a different point of view about most things from you and your family you will be able to find a point of compromise.
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- Find common ground. You may initially feel like you do not have a lot in common with your new in-law but you may be surprised if you take the time to get to know them. Begin with the common ground that this person loves your brother or sister enough to marry them and you love your sibling as well. This point can be a beginning in a relationship. Take the time to find out what your new in-law likes to do, eat, and even wear. You may find out that you have more in common with your new in-law than you do your sibling!
- Find points of compromise. If you and your family have always set up a family Christmas tree on Thanksgiving Day yet your new in-law is used to having a Christmas tree trimming party on Christmas Eve don't be stressed! Be willing if you need to, to compromise and try other things. Having a new family member can open up your family to new traditions, foods and ways of doing things. Adding a family member can refresh and reinvigorate family dynamics. Do not be threatened by someone who does something different try embracing it as way to welcome that new family member into the fold.
- Be compassionate! You may be surprised that your brother's new wife who is highly educated and very stylish is very nervous about becoming part of your family. Or your sister's new husband may be unsure of his new role within your family as well. While a marriage is about the two people involved the support of satellite family members can play a huge role in supporting a new marriage. Go out of your way to welcome your new in-law into the family and you may find down the road you have made one of the best friends you will ever have.
- Nourish the relationship. The best way to create a relationship with someone is to spend time with them. If you can make a date to take your new in-law to lunch or shopping. If your family is spread out over a long distances take the time to make a phone call or send an email that includes your new in-law. The rewards of this effort may bring all the members of your family closer together.
