No matter how good a child's self esteem is, they will have to fight the feelings that caused them to be adopted into a new family.

Culture is what tells the child what to expect for breakfast. Some cultures hug each other while others bow to each other. These are learned attitudes and can remain with an adopted child a long time. If the biological parents hugged and rocked a baby then the expectation becomes to expect hugging and rocking.

On the other hand, if tweaking the nose is a sign approval, the child thinks the new parent does not approve without it. These learned experiences could become huge problems if changing from one major lifestyle to a different one. To a child raised in an igloo a kiss might be rubbing noses.not smacking puckered lips together.

Culture is learned and likely will involve values. These can include your attitude about spraying purple in your hair, shaving into a Mohawk haircut, wearing a 1 piece-swimming suit or a bikini suit. So many of our choices are a result of our raising and culture. Changing culture can be very difficult. There are things we can do with adopted children through love and understanding that will help with this adjustment time.

It is ok to appreciate their backgrounds.

It is important to teach a child to appreciate their background or heritage as well as how to learn new ideas. Some people would stereotype a child who lets out a war hoop when another child might clap hands. But in a concert hall, that war hoop could elicit grave insults or even being thrown out of the concert. There are some social actions each culture considers unacceptable. The old saying "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" is a definite plus for fitting into a new culture. However the old ways must be explained with TLC so a child will not think they are being attacked.

Communication is the key.

When you communicate to a child about what are acceptable behaviors and unacceptable behaviors is very important. As parents there is a strong need to give the child positive reinforcement. It will be important for the overall success of the relationship with adopted child to teach and discipline with love.

The best thing parents might do is giving the child a good foundation in being loved and accepted for who he or she is. Then follow through with consistent expectations of what is the correct behaviors that are accepted I their current environment.

Major issues

There are 2 strong negative times when an adopted child could go through major issues about being adopted. 1 could be when they find out they are adopted, and another when they realize they do not have access to the family health history of the genetic parents.

Many adopted children feel they were rejected. Maybe the birthing mother did not want them. Also a child could fantasize about how the real parents would treat them better. This can go on and on. It can become a self-esteem issue that rages like a brush fire.

In many cities there are support groups for parents of adopted children as well as groups of peers with similar feelings. This is where a counselor encourages the adopted children to learn to talk about it, and then support each other in the release of the hurt feelings that are building up.

Adopted children may struggle with identity development hurts and self esteem pains if there is no one around to console and communicate some methods to get rid of hurts or to minimize them or at least to understand why.

Major concerns?

Some of the more major concern for adopting parents can include:

• Were there hard drugs used during the pregnancy?
• Was HIV present during pregnancy?
• Did hepatitis exist during a pregnancy?
• Are there medical issues that would need to be taken into account?
• Was there any time of malnutrition or abuse that will affect the adopted child in their life.

Most adoption agencies can have some information, but adoptive parents need to be extremely watchful for the first years. Early detection can ward off future disabilities and high medical bills for adopted children.

These are some of the ways you can deal with relationship issues with an adopted child. Keep in mind that whether you are the parent of an adopted child, a family member of an adopted child, or a spouse of a child who was adopted, acceptance is going to be the key factor in getting past any relationship issue that would occur.