The following are some tips for how to discuss things that irritate you in a relationship:

Pick your battles.
We all have things that annoy and irritate us. However, it's important to not nit-pick on every little thing that annoys you. Learn to let things slide and save the talks for the things that really matter or really bother you. At the same time, you should also stick up for yourself. Putting up with everything your spouse does that you disagree with or are unhappy with is detrimental to your relationships. Just don't focus on little things that, in the long run, don't really matter.

Choose the right time.
Approach the subject at a time when you are both in good moods rather than in the middle of a fight. Discussing what bothers you is difficult to do constructively when you are in a screaming match.

Be fair.
You should be very careful with your choice of words when discussing things that irritate you in a relationship. As a general rule:

• Don't use accusatory statements. Starting sentences with things like, "You never" and "You always" then following up with something negative is harmful to your relationship and unfair to your spouse. Avoid these types of statements.


• Be respectful. Don't call your spouse or partner names or be insulting. This only builds resentment. Instead of saying, "You're such a slob and I'm sick of doing your dishes," say something like, "It would really help me out if you would put your dishes in the dishwasher when we're done with dinner instead of leaving them in the sink."


• Avoid guilt trips. Trying to guilt your spouse into not doing things that irritate you will also build resentment.


• Stay calm. Crying, yelling, and being overly emotional in general will get you nowhere. Instead, be calm and state your feelings. It's difficult to argue with the way someone feels, so this is a better route to take. For example, you can say, "It hurts my feelings when you spend so much time on the computer playing games when we could be spending time together."

Compromise with each other.
Learn to compromise a little so you can both be happy, instead of insisting that it's your way or no way. If it irritates you that your spouse goes out with his friends every Friday night leaving you at home with the kids, come up with a compromise--he goes out every other Friday and the rest of the time you go out together as a couple.

Discussing the things that irritate you in your relationships isn't always easy, but it's important to do. Letting everything go and build up can create frustration and resentment that spills into other areas of your life together. These tips will help you to effectively discuss the things that irritate you in your relationship.