How to forgive an unfaithful spouse
One of the hardest things to overcome in a marriage is infidelity. If your spouse is unfaithful to you, or in other words, cheats on you, it can be extremely difficult to forgive them. However, it is possible. The following are some tips to help you on the path to forgiveness if your spouse is unfaithful to you:
- You need to recognize the value of forgiveness. According to the experts, most couples who struggle with infidelity not only survive, but end up having deeper, better relationships as a result. They just have to be willing to work on it and address the root causes of why the cheater cheated. So, before you start on the path to forgiveness, you need to have a goal for your relationship, and recognize that forgiveness is an essential step in accomplishing this goal.
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- Recognize that forgiveness will not come immediately, it is something you will both have to work at, especially because learning to trust again takes time; lots of time, perhaps even years. How long? Well, that depends, the deeper the wound, the longer the healing.
- Talk about it, but don't overdo it. Part of forgiving someone for being unfaithful is being able to talk about whatever you need to talk about. Talking with your partner about the affair when the need to talk surfaces is an important factor of healing the relationship. However, consistently bringing up the past excessively or "throwing it back in their face" only and always reopens the wound and prolongs and often prohibits the completion of the healing process. So, if you bring it up too much, you won't be able to heal from it.
- Your ability to forgive your partner is not contingent on their actions, however, your partner must learn to listen and offer whatever support you need without becoming defensive or angry. The guilty partner needs to know that patience is a virtue that must be practiced for the relationship to heal. If you can't express your hurt, you won't be able to forgive, so help them understand that you want to work towards healing, and getting out the poison is part of the process.
- If you want to forgive an unfaithful spouse, you have to work towards having more effective communication. Effective communication is a requirement of a healthy, wholesome, happy and successful relationship! This is true for all couples, not just ones working their way out of a problem like one partner being unfaithful. You have to understand that trust is the very foundation of a healthy love relationship! There can be no trust without conversation; no genuine intimacy without trust. So, in order to forgive them completely, you have to start trusting them again, and to do that, you have to talk.
- As someone trying to forgive an unfaithful spouse, make sure these two needs are met. Know 1 - What caused the affair, and 2 - What assurance they have that it will never happen again! You do not need the details, this causes more pain and hurt, and makes you less likely to forgive, so overcome that temptation, and just find out why, and how they intend to fix it.
- Recognize your part in it. An affair is seldom, if ever, only one partner's fault. Relationship problems are shared problems. So, even if you did not cheat, you may have done other things that contributed to driving your partner away, like not forgiving them for other wrongs, nagging, criticizing, etc.
- In order to forgive an unfaithful spouse, you will both need to set new goals for the relationship and develop new ways to create intimacy; emotionally, physically and spiritually. Then start these things immediately.
