How to forgive an unfaithful spouse
Dealing with an unfaithful spouse is more common than people think. When it comes to forgiven an unfaithful spouse, some people are able to forgive them easily, meaning they can forgive and forget, but others simply cannot forgive as easily, they tend to hold onto that hurt feeling for years to come. If you happen to have an unfaithful spouse the one thing that you need to keep in mind is that just because they were unfaithful once does not mean that they are going to be unfaithful again, nor does it mean that you can't forgive them. Only you can determine what is going to happen in the future of your relationship if your spouse is unfaithful. The reason for this is that only you know what you can and can't live with and how much you love the person you are with and if you want to work out your problems.
Here are some steps that you can follow to help forgive an unfaithful spouse.
|
|
Step one:
You need to be aware of the fact that you do not need to immediately consider divorce as the only alternative. You are going to need to decide if you want to stay with that person and work on forgiving them or if you want to leave. However, if you do decide to stay then you need to make a personal commitment that you are willing to try to forgive them.
Step two:
You will need to confront your spouse and tell them that you know that they have been unfaithful. You also need to make sure that you tell them how it makes you feel. When confronting your spouse you are going to want to make sure that you can do it in private so that nobody overhears and that you won't be interrupted. However, in this conversation you are going to need to find out if the affair is over and whether your spouse wants to fix the relationship.
Step three:
The next thing that you are going to need to do if both of you want to fix the relationship is to seek counseling. The good thing about counseling is that you can do it together or you can attend by yourself if your spouse is unwilling to go and it is still beneficial. Most likely counseling is not going to be enough so you are going to want to do plenty of research on the subject, which will mean you need to read books on the subject. The more knowledge you have on how to move forward, the more likely you'll be able to achieve it.
Step four:
You are also going to need to get some kind of support from your family members or close friends. However, you are going to want to be sure that you trust the person you are getting support from because not everybody thinks you should forgive an unfaithful spouse. You are going to want support from people who are not going to judge you or your spouse for your actions.
Step five:
You are going to want to write down your feelings in a journal or share them with your spouse. Most likely you are going to feel an assortment of emotions that are going to range and sometimes writing them down will give you a better grip on your feelings and will allow you to handle what is coming a lot easier. Not to mention it can help you to let go of any negative feelings that you might still have. Many marriages survive a spouse being unfaithful, but both of have to work towards repairing the relationship for that to happen.
Step six:
Understand the stages of grieving over your spouse being unfaithful will be almost identical to the stages of grief you would experience if your spouse died. Some things that you might go through are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, and what you need to realize is that all of these feelings are a part of your forgiveness process. If you are able to understand these steps, you are more likely to get through them.
