How to forgive and forget in a family
While the thought of being able to forgive and forget might be an extremely nice one, is much harder to do than just say. When family members hurt and betray feelings, it can be a hard road to forgiveness, and especially forgetting that it actually happened. Because we are human, we will always have our memories to constantly remind of us situations. So how do we forgive and forget in family situations. Let's talk about some things you can try to get past the pain and hurt.
Think about what happened
It sounds childish, but if you have been offended by someone in the family go ahead and give yourself a time out. You need some time to yourself to reflect on things that were said, your feelings, and how you are going to deal with everything. Who knows, once you think about the entire situation from another perspective the problem may solve itself and you may realize that it's not as big of a deal as you were making it.
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Talk to someone
If you have been offended by someone in your immediate or extended family try talking things out. If not with the person of offense, then maybe with someone else in the family; or better yet someone out of the family and away from the situation. When you have the opportunity to let your emotions out and talk with someone about how you are feeling, you can begin the healing process.
Take Responsibility
Although you may feel that you are the victim here, it takes two to tango. It doesn't really matter whose fault it is, but you need to take responsibility for your own actions, feelings, and words. Accepting responsibility is another step on the road to forgiveness.
Talk to the other Person
Sometimes in situations of offense it may not be possible to talk with the other person, but if at all possible then try it. Some suggestions as to what can be said are:
Express to them how you are feeling
Ask questions to clear up any misunderstandings
Ask how you can understand their perspective on the situation
Express your perspective
Can we work this out? Is it possible?
Try to rebuild the relationship
If it is possible to rebuild the relationship try doing so. No one likes to sever family ties especially if it's someone that you have been close to for a long time. You might have to write down agreements of future behavior. Discuss things that may or may not be appropriate in family gatherings and try to rebuild the trust that was once there.
Forgive and Forget
The words "forgive" and "forget" can entail many things. They can mean that you totally erase the event from your mind as well as the person; they can mean that you forget what's happened and try to mend the relationship; or they can mean that you forgive yourself and try to move on with your life. How you decipher their meaning, and decide what to do is up to you. If you do decide to forgive you need to understand that it may take more time to forget about it.
Whether or not you decide to forget about the situation and the offense taken is up to you, but learning to forgive the other person will help the healing process be complete. Learning how to forgive and forget in a family can be a difficult process, but personal healing can only take place when you truly find forgiveness in your heart.
