How to foster your child's self esteem
It seem like today parents are constantly being told that they must foster their child's self esteem or face dire consequences in the raising of their children. This wave of fostering self esteem has even flooded sports teams, schools and other organizations that seem to exist only to tell every child how special they are. While each parent looks upon their child as that unique miracle today's climate of "everyone is special" has left many of our children wondering if they really are. Even children as young as five years old have been reported to say that if everyone gets a trophy what makes it special? While no one is advocating not praising children if you are looking for true and constructive ways to make your child feel good about themselves here are some tips on how to foster your child's self esteem-
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1. Praise specifically. It really does not register as praise when parents simply jump and down and while clapping their hands call out, "Good job! Good job!" Be sure to specifically mention what your child is doing that merits praise. Say in a sincere tone, "Congratulations on that A on your math test" or "Thanks for being kind to Katie even when she was mean to you". This way your child knows exactly what they have done that merits your praise and exactly what they can feel good about.
2. Praise often. Child development experts have all sorts of number recommendations on how many times parents should praise their offspring versus correcting them. While the number is not really that important make sure that you giving lots of praise and that your congratulatory statements are not lost in a sea of negative criticism or constant correction. Children who are surrounded by positive affirmation in their developing years are also found to be quicker to respond to discipline and make corrections in their negative behaviors.
3. Praise truthfully. While most parents have no trouble coming up with something to praise their little darlings for some children seem to be naturally harder to praise. Do not fall into that parenting trap of inventing things to praise. Children have a keen sense of self and can spot a false affirmation quickly. They know what they do well and want praise for things that truly matter. If you are having trouble finding things to praise your child for take some additional time to really get to know them and determine what is important to them and then you will see areas where you can truthfully praise accomplishments. In addition it is imperative that parents and other caregivers are positive role models. If your child sees or hears you tearing yourself down they will begin to doubt the truthfulness of your statements to them. This is especially true with younger children who especially identify with their closest caregivers.
4. Praise effectively. When the entire soccer team gets a small, shiny trophy it may win your child's attention for a few minutes but usually the appeal is short-lived. Incorporating goal setting into the praising of your child helps build a much longer feeling of self satisfaction. Help your child determine what they like and would like to accomplish and then help them set realistic goals. As milestones are reached along the way praise your child and allow them to celebrate the accomplishment in a tangible way that is meaningful to them. This incorporates several life skills of goal setting, working toward a goal and the satisfaction of accomplishing a goal all into one. And along the way you will get to cheer your child toward positive and life-long self esteem.
